


I'll Make This Feel Like Home

by how_about_no



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Amortentia, Angst, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Family, Fluff, M/M, Magic, POV Alec, Past Violence, Self-Hatred, Team Dynamics, love potion, not actually used just fyi, squad goals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7223074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_about_no/pseuds/how_about_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec doesn't like slytherins, or himself, really, so when he meets Magnus Bane, an unapologetic slytherin who relishes in making him blush, everything changes.<br/>Meanwhile, Jace and Simon dance around each other, Clary and Izzy are a power couple, and Hogwarts goes on into another magic filled year.</p><p>or </p><p>“You know you’re beautiful, right?” Magnus leaned closer, his words whispered like a secret again, but there was no wind to take it away.</p><p>“Magnus-” Alec squirmed under the attention, feeling himself go red.</p><p>“The first time I saw you I thought I would be lucky to have your attention for one second-”</p><p>“Stop it.” Alec closed his eyes.</p><p>“I wanted to get to know you,” Magnus continued, but didn’t come any closer, “See what you looked like when you laugh-”</p><p>“Please.” It’s then that Alec realised his eyes were watering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Got to get back to Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know I have a lot of incomplete fics posted-even more unposted- which I am totally (not) on top of, but I couldn't resist posting the first chapter of this gem because I'm really excited about it.
> 
> Lemme know what you think! (and fight me on Alec being a hufflepuff I dare you)

It had been a while since all of Alec’s group of friends had been together. He missed them, sure, but he hadn’t missed the way he could never get a word in edgeways.

“But what if there was a dragon-” Simon babbled mindlessly, enthusiastically waving his arms.

“Dragons are rare commodities, Simon. Come on be realistic-” Jace rolled his eyes, his arms crossed.

“Did you hear Harry got to keep that little one he got during the Tri-Wizard tournament?” Clary’s eyes were lit up with excitement.

“Is there a mirror anywhere-” Izzy frowned, looking around. Before she could finish her sentence, though, Clary had pulled something out of her bag that Izzy seemed pleased about.

“Dragons aren’t that rare-”

“They’re rarer than unicorns, idiot-”

“I’m not an idiot for having _hope_ , Jace-”

“What would you even do if you found a dragon, oh mister brave-”

“You’ve always got to do this!” Simon yelled, but Jace was unaffected, just scoffing.

“Boys.” Clary shook her head.

Alec agreed with the sentiment. He was sat nearest the window, watching fields and rivers whiz by in a green and grey blur. If only he had developed the skill to block out their incessant chatter. Unfortunately, that was not something he was capable of. The window fogged up slightly with his breath, and he let out a large huff of it. He trailed his finger in it, uncreatively writing his initials.

It should only be an hour or so until they reached the school. One thing that the Hogwarts express wasn’t, was fast. The trip was gruelling at the best of times, but with everyone in a hyper mood from the sweets they had eaten earlier was not helping. Everyone had changed into their robes already, so there was no excuse for Alec to leave the compartment apart from the toilet. Even then he’d only get five minutes of guilt-free absence before the others became suspicious.

Unconsciously adjusting his yellow and black tie- which he insisted he wasn’t embarrassed about but blushed whenever anyone asked what house he was in anyway- Alec started playing a tune in his head. It was a song Izzy had shown him earlier that morning. He didn’t know the name, and he didn’t really care, but the catchy buzz in his head was better than the head ache inducing buzz outside of it.

“Right, Alec?” He zoned back in and turned his head to Izzy, who was looking at him expectantly, along with the rest of them.

“He wasn’t listening,” Simon shook his head, “Typical.”

“What?” Alec rolled his eyes, used to Simon’s easily offended nature. As usual, Izzy gave him a heavily unimpressed look that usually came out when he was being antisocial and ‘a buzz kill’.

“We were talking about how the defence against the dark arts position is supposedly ‘cursed’-”

“Which it is-”

“Shut up, Simon,” Izzy sent a glare his way, and he immediately cowered, “And I said that was a ridiculous suggestion. It was only unhappy coincidences during the second wizarding war that resulted in the job being so deadly.”

“Oh, yeah, and we’ve totally had a consistent teacher since starting, right?” Simon raised his eyebrows, as if his point was at all valid.

“You really think McGonagall would let that happen?” Alec rested his head in his left hand, his elbow precariously balanced on the window pane, “It’s just a stressful job.”

“A stressful, _cursed,_ job.” Jace smirked.

“Are you agreeing with Simon?” Clary gasped in fake shock, and Jace threw a jelly bean at her from his place opposite.

“Don’t expect it to happen again.” Jace said to Simon without looking at him, and seemed to fall into a sulk, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat, resolutely staring out of the compartment and into the corridor.

“We’ve had Professor Graymark for two years now,” Clary pointed out, waving a liquorice wand, “It’ll be three if he’s still up there on that table today.”

“I’m willing to bet he won’t be.” Simon smiled, excited about his own suggestion which wasn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence.

“How does £20 sound?” Alec humoured him with a small smile. After six years of being stuck in the same house as the boy, it was hard not to become at least a little fond.

“You’re on.” Simon pointed at him, his face lighting up even more.

“You’re giving me ten of that.” Jace still had a perpetual frown on his face and his arms were still crossed, but Simon took the olive branch with a nod of agreement.

“I’m going to go do my makeup.” Izzy announced, getting to her feet with an unnatural amount of grace. She plucked a small bag off the luggage racks above them and inspected it, making sure it was the right one, presumably.

“I’ll come with.” Clary said.

“You don’t even wear makeup.” Alec raised an eyebrow at the red head, who simply stuck her tongue out at him before following Izzy out of the compartment without replying.

“Girls.” Jace rolled his eyes, then accepted the chocolate frog card that Simon held out to him, “Ron! Nice, this will complete my trio.”

“I know.” Simon grinned, pleased at his reaction. Alec tried not to look too disgusted when he turned back to the window. He’d kill anyone who said his mouth twitched into something like a smile.

 

The Great Hall smelt like home. Alec loved his mother and father more than anything, and his home would always be cherished, but something about Hogwarts made Alec feel like he belonged. He didn’t have to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Without thinking, he took in a deep breath, appreciating the musky smell of old wood and burning candles. They floated above the group like stars as they walked into the room.

All of the first years were already lined up on benches that aren’t usually there at the front of the hall. Alec could feel the nerves from here. He smiled, remembering his own sorting day, how he’d nearly had a heart attack before a blond boy by the name of Jace came up to him and calmed him down with ease. How Alec went from having one real friend to being stuck with these lot, he would never understand.

Before he knew it, it was time to part ways with the others.

“Don’t hurt yourself on your way over.” Jace bumped shoulders with Simon, smiling despite himself.

“Don’t be too obnoxious without me.” Simon retorted, his grin looking almost painful.

“Meeting by the gems tomorrow morning, right?” Izzy looked at them all, even though she had only reminded them about a minute earlier.

“Yes, Iz,” Jace rolled his eyes, throwing an arm around her shoulders, “So these badgers can see how their bar is going to look all year round, and so we lions can see if we have somehow managed to already gain points.”

“Lions are overrated.” Alec smirked, “They just sleep all day in real life, you know that?”

“I know Gryffindor is gonna kick your ass, and that’s all I need to know.” Jace went to kick Alec in the shins but the taller boy skipped out of the way, deciding to hide behind Clary of all people. Even she looked at him as if his tactical error was personally offending her.

“Boys and their egos.” Clary said to Izzy conspiringly, then added, “We’re still going to win.”

“We’ll see about that, Fairchild.” Izzy teased, winking, before pulling Jace away so they could go to the gryffindor table.

“Come on.” Clary grabbed Alec’s hand and entwined their fingers. He was used to her tactile tendencies by now, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still shocked that someone would want to be close to him. Alec pulled Simon into his side by the boy’s shoulders and ruffled his hair playfully until he squawked and tried to escape.

“Typical gryffindors,” Alec says, smiling, “Always underestimating us hufflepuffs.”

“Preach!” Simon shouted gleefully, finally giving in and just leaning into Alec’s side as they made their way over to the table filled fellow finders.

 

The sorting went by without a hitch, no shocks or twists. Alec’s voice hurt from cheering for the kids that got sorted into hufflepuff, and his hands hurt from clapping for them. Half way through, the slytherin table started chanting and banging on the table as kids were sent there. It was meant to scare them, but any first year sorted into slytherin wouldn’t be so easily spooked. Maybe it was a test.

“This way!” The male hufflepuff prefect, some Herondale kid, shouted. Alec didn’t feel sorry for him and thanked God that he wasn’t chosen to be one.

“So, I owe you £20.” Simon hurried to his side as they all filed out of the hall.

“You do,” Alec smiled, “Thanks for reminding me.”

“Have you got your timetable yet?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t looked at it.” Alec said, and Simon laughed.

“Look at potions, man.” Before Alec could ask what he meant, Simon was dragged away by one of his bandmates, presumably. Either that or he was being kidnapped. Alec shrugged, he would probably be fine. As soon as he got to the common room, he saw that someone had already swung the painting open and he jumped through before he would have to tickle that damn pear. It was embarrassing, okay? Jace always laughed until he fell over when Alec had to do it to let them in so they could study together.

He threw himself onto his bed, only knowing it was his because of the suitcase that had been placed on top. Thank God for house elves. Of course, they were paid now, instead of being slaves. Hermione Granger had really done a lot for House Elf rights, and for that, Alec was grateful. It was disgusting that people thought they could treat those creatures with any less humanity just because of their undying loyalty and obedience.

Remembering what Simon said, he pulled his crumpled timetable out of his bag. You’d think that a magical school would have some better way of showing them when they had their lessons. A hologram, maybe. As long as it wasn’t a howler.

He unscrewed it and searched the hectic schedule for potions. With a frown, he tried to see what was so special that Simon wanted him to see.

“Oh God.”

Slytherins.

They have potions class with the slytherins.

By rights, Alec knew that slytherins weren’t bad people, and that it wasn’t a bad house. However, it was undeniable that the bullies and rats tended to end up there. When he came out in third year he’d had some bad experiences with a particularly cruel group of slytherins that deemed it their job to ‘teach him a lesson’. He shuddered at the memory.

He knew it was bad to judge a whole group of people on one- or a dozen of them- bad experience, but Alec always had trouble compartmentalising. It was easier to avoid anything that resembled danger than find out first hand whether it was really dangerous or not. If you were given a bowl of sweets, and were told three of them were poison, but you didn’t know which, would you eat any of them?

No.

You would give the bowl back and probably punch the person who gave you them in the nose because who _does_ that?

Alec didn’t like Slytherins. He didn’t care what anyone thought, he just didn’t like them.

And now he had potions with them.

“You looked?” Simon practically fell into the room and spotted which bed was his. He jumped onto it with no grace and looked at Alec expectantly.

“Yeah,” Alec pursed his lips. Simon didn’t know why Alec didn’t like slytherins, he wasn’t friends with them then, so he tried not to show too much of a distressed reaction, “Sucks.”

“Sucks indeed.” Simon moved to sit up and kicked off his shoes as he spoke, “I know slytherins aren’t all villains and stuff, but they do kinda tend to be assholes, you know? Well, of course _you_ know, Jace told me you had some trouble with them at some point. I mean, maybe we’ll meet some nice ones? If the asshole who bullied you are there, though, you’ll let me know, right? I may be a hufflepuff but I am not above punching some noses-”

“What?” Alec looked up from the paper he hadn’t stopped staring at, “You know about that?”

“Not details,” Simon shrugged, like it was no big deal, “Jace told me you don’t like slytherins because some of them were mean to you. He didn’t tell me when, or what about, but it was kind of an easy guess, right? I mean, third year must’ve been hell for you.”

“You’re not going to tell me you’re sorry, are you?” Alec looked back down at his timetable, not wanting to see the pity that would settle in Simon’s eyes.

“No,” Simon scoffed, “Why would I? I’m not the one who bullied you. It’s your business, man, I just want you to know that I know and it’s cool. But if they give you shit again just ‘cause we’re in the same class, I’ll break them.”

“Thanks.” Alec’s mouth quirked up into a sort of smile. He was still in shock so a full one wasn’t really on the cards.

“No problem,” Simon shuffled through his bag for a moment before holding his hand out, “Mini star?”

 

Their first potions class was two days later. Alec was stood outside the door, steeling himself, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Clary asked gently.

“Fine.” Alec said, more for himself than Clary, “I’m fine.”

“Shall we?” She linked her arm through his, an unspoken display of support, and Alec was thankful for it. They entered the room together to see that nearly everyone had already arrived, and Alec’s worst nightmare was fulfilled.

The tables were arranged so only two would fit on them, and the ties told him a hufflepuff had to be paired with a slytherin. Alec swallowed.

“We can request-” Clary started but Alec shook his head, cutting her off.

“No, it’s fine.” He took his arm out of her grip and sat in the nearest empty seat that was next to a slytherin. He didn’t look at them, just wringed his hands together in front of him and waited for the professor to start talking.

Clary took a seat a few tables away and Alec could feel her worried gaze, along with Simon’s where he was already seated on the other side of the room. He tried to reassure them with a smile sent both of their ways, but they still looked wary.

“Welcome to a new year.” Professor Fell smiled, his green skin shimmering in the dim lighting of the dungeon, “I hope you’re all fully prepared. Take your books out and turn to page 65.”

“Someone’s tense.” A voice came from beside him, and Alec expected it to sound scolding or cruel, maybe even terrifying and familiar, but it wasn’t. His shoulders still didn’t relax.

“I’m good.” Alec replied tersely, still not looking at the person beside him. He already knew more than he wanted to with recognising the voice as distinctly male. His book was worn and second hand, and he handled it with care as he flicked to the right page.

“Alright, sweetheart, whatever you say.” The boy’s voice was light, and slightly teasing. Alec didn’t dignify it with a reply. He did give in to his instincts and looked to his left, though.

The boy was gazing at him, leant back on his stool as far as he could go without simply falling off. He was wearing makeup, which was the first surprising thing. The next surprising thing was that it looked _good._

His eyes were covered in gold glitter, on the lids and underneath. It made the brown of them light up. Not only that, but he was clearly wearing some kind of sparkly lip gloss, the glitter obvious even in the scarce lighting of the class room. Alec frowned and looked down at his book again.

The last thing he needed was to give a slytherin any bait to make fun of him.

_“You wanna kiss me, huh?” One boy hissed, shoving Alec into a wall, “Am I pretty, Alec?”_

“You,” Alec snapped out of his daze and looked up to see Fell pointing directly at him, “Come to the front and tell me what you smell.”

“Yessir.” Alec scrambled to his feet, already feeling heat rush to his cheeks. He walked to the front and looked into the pot slowly simmering on the magical, green fire. His neck prickled as a dozen pairs of eyes watched him inhale.

“It smells like,” He looked up to the ceiling, thinking, “Sandalwood,” He furrowed his brow in concentration, “Cinnamon,” Another scent hit his nose, and the combination of them all was comforting and alluring, “Burning- wood. I think it’s burning wood.”

“Lovely,” Fell nodded, “Go back to your seat, young man.”

“Yessir.” Alec mumbled, glad to be able to get away from the limelight. The slytherin boy carried on gazing at him even as Fell started talking again.

“What Alec just described was the three smells that he is attracted to most. Whether that me in a romantic, sexual, or even comforting way. Those are the smells that Alec associates with positivity. This potion is called, what? Does anyone know?”

“Amortentia.” The slytherin boy spoke without raising his hand.

“Right.” Fell smiled, nodding, “Well done, Magnus.”

_Magnus._

For some reason, the name sounded familiar.

“Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in the world.” Clary said, as if not meaning to out loud. When Fell looked at her with raised eyebrows, she straightened, “You said the smells aren’t necessarily associated with romance, though?”

“No,” Fell pursed his lips, “What is your name?”

“Clary Fairchild.” She didn’t cower under his scrutinising gaze, and he seemed pleased.

“I taught your mother,” He smiled before finally answering her question, “What we find attractive in a person romantically is often what we find alluring generally. For example, if you love someone, you may associate their smell or feel with comfort. That isn’t romantic, but it is love. The replication of these smells in a potion means they associate that comfort with the person, you see?”

“So it’s backwards love.” Clary simplified, and Alec watched the caldron bubble at the front of the room.

“Exactly.” Fell clicked, “Now you are all going to try and replicate it.”

“This should be fun.” Magnus murmured quietly, and Alec turned his head to see him poring over the book, seemingly enthralled by the writing on the page.

“Fake love is always one of my favourite things.” Alec replied sarcastically, despite knowing the comment wasn’t really meant for him.

“Don’t you watch TV?” Magnus looked up at him, his gaze playful, “Fake love is the only love that actually turns out okay.”

“Cynical.” Alec said.

“Realistic.” Magnus replied simply, waving a hand with ringed fingers and pink nails. Alec commended his bravery.

“I’ll get the ingredients if you get the equipment.” Alec suggested, trying not to stare at the way the non-existent light glinted off the chains around Magnus’ neck.

“Deal.”

Amortentia was the devil’s potion, Alec decided, when he was on the 33rd stir of 100. What kind of potion needed such a specific and _high_ number of stirs? What kind of asshole made this the first time and decided that was how it was going to be done for eternity? He was glad he voiced his opinion out loud when Magnus laughed, full and real, a laugh that should not have been coming from a slytherin.

Alec immediately scolded himself. Of course a slytherin could laugh, not all of them were the bullies in third year. He didn’t stop himself from closing off though, and ignored the look Clary gave him when she caught his gaze, attention having been grabbed when Magnus started guffawing.

“And 100.” Magnus finished counting, even though Alec was already doing it in his head. He didn’t need Magnus’ voice counting in his ear, but he wasn’t complaining.

“What’s next?” Alec removed the spoon from their caldron and wiped his hands on his robes. They weren’t dirty, but they had gotten a but clammy from holding the wooden handle for so long.

“That’s it.” Magnus flicked the page back and forth again, double checking there were no more steps, “We leave it to stew, brew, whatever you want to call it, for ten minutes and then we should be able to smell the effects.”

“We should probably clean up, then.” Alec moved to pick up the spoon again, ready to go and clean it in the sinks by the side of the room, but Magnus grabbed his wrist.

“We’ll have time for that at the end, Alexander.” For some reason, when Alec told Magnus his name, the other boy decided it wasn’t good enough and used his own.

“But we have time for it now.” Alec frowned, genuinely confused, trying to ignore the feeling of Magnus’ fingers over his pulse.

“Come on,” Magnus uncurled his fingers and released Alec’s wrist, “Sit down, I want to know more about you. All you’ve given me is that your name is Alexander, and you’re obviously a hufflepuff.”

“Actually, I told you my name is Alec.” He corrected, and sat back down on his stool when Magnus did. It wasn’t really proper practise when there was something brewing on the desk in front of them, but he felt he should probably do what Magnus told him. He convinced himself it was because he was a slytherin, not because he was cute.

“Details.” Magnus waved a bejewelled hand, a mannerism he did quite often, Alec noted.

“You haven’t told me anything else about you, either.” Alec commented, raising an eyebrow. Magnus scoffed.

“I’m an open book.” He smiled, both kind and teasing at the same time, which Alec didn’t realise was possible, “Ask me anything.”

“I wouldn’t know what to ask. You go first.”

“Okay,” Magnus looked around the room as if for inspiration, “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Green,” Alec answered easily, “Yours?”

“Purple.” Magnus replied just as quickly, “Favourite movie?”

“Captain America- any of them. You?”

“Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Magnus narrowed his eyes, “Sexual orientation?”

“ _What?!”_ Alec spluttered, shocked, then started choking on his own spit.

“It’s a simple question, Alexander.” Magnus watched his reaction with thinly veiled amusement.

“Um-” Magnus didn’t seem like he would judge him, but Alec wasn’t completely sure of him yet. Then again, he and Jace had been talking about how Alec shouldn’t have to be ashamed of who he was. It would be bad to lie, and it would be cowardly the evade the question, “I’m- uh- I’m gay.”

“Okay,” Magnus hummed, then gestured to himself, “I consider myself a freewheeling bisexual.”

“Nice.” Alec found himself smiling, “Haven’t heard that before.”

“What? Bisexual? It’s very common actually-”

“No,” Alec rolled his eyes, “I know what bisexuality is. I mean the freewheeling part.”

“Honestly,” Magnus shrugged, somehow delicately, “I don’t know either. I said it once in fourth year and it has stuck with me.”

“That’s fair, I guess.” Alec couldn’t stop looking at the boy in front of him. He somehow radiated beauty with such ease and grace. Every movement he made seemed calculated and choreographed, like a dancer. Maybe Magnus _was_ a dancer. Alec should find out.

“I believe our time is up.” Magnus waved a hand and the fire beneath the caldron fizzled out, as if it had been doused with water. Immediately, Alec jumped up and inhaled the steam coming away from their potion. Sandalwood, cinnamon, and burning wood.

“What do you smell?” Alec asked, still breathing deeply through his nose, unconsciously leaning closer to the pot.

“Hm,” Magnus sniffed, his nose wrinkling slightly as he did, “It smells like lavender, cherries, and-” His eyes flicked up to Alec’s, laced with amusement and surprise, “Sandalwood.”

“I guess we have more in common than I thought.” Alec smiled.

“Wow, guys,” Simon skipped up to their caldron and took a huge breath, “You guys did great! Ours just smells like boogers.” He frowned, “I sure hope I’m not attracted to boogers.”

“Smell ours and see.” Magnus raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, and Alec found himself gazing at his profile, completely enthralled.

“Chocolate,” Simon leaned over it, his eyebrows furrowed, “Hair conditioner and-” He froze. Slowly, he straightened, gaping, his expression moving from confusion to horror and back again.

“What’s the last smell?” Alec asked, eyebrows raised.

“Mint.” Simon said too quickly, “Definitely mint. Hey is someone calling my name? I’ll be right over!” He scurried away like a mouse with its tail on fire.

“He’s a bit odd.” Magnus commented, not unkindly.

“You get used to it.” Alec was definitely going to interrogate the boy about that later, that is if he cared enough to remember. It was fifty/fifty, really.

It turned out that they were the only ones who got it spot on. Some of the others, including Clary and this guy called Dylan, nearly had it, but none of them were as potent as Alec and Mangus’. Everyone was fascinated by what they smelt and were all talking about it to each other. That is, apart from Simon. Which was odd considering he was usually the first to jump down someone’s throat with new or exciting information.

Clary was retelling a story that her mum had told her about professor Fell all the way to the Great Hall. Of course, Simon was nodding along, genuinely enthralled, while Alec pretended to listen when he was actually people watching. All of the students around them were mindlessly milling about, moving with no purpose or thought, like ants. It wasn’t often that Alec got a feeling of superiority, unless Simon was involved, but right now was one of those moments.

Since potions he just felt a lot surer of himself. Maybe it was to do with the Amortentia.

“So my mom has been making jokes about how Ragnor Fell _really fell_ ever since.” Clary finished with a smile and Simon burst out laughing. It made Alec jump slightly and a hand flew to his chest.

“Your laugh is infuriating.” He said without thinking. Usually, someone would be offended, but Simon just shrugged.

“You’re always so charming.” He said with a grin, and Alec shoved him.

They arrived in the Great Hall a few moments later and all headed to the Gryffindor table. Honestly, Alec didn’t really understand why they had to sit there rather than at Hufflepuff, where three out of five of them were from. He didn’t care enough to complain, though, so just sat down in his usual place to Jace’s left. Simon sat on the boy’s right, and Clary practically sat on top of Izzy on the other side of the table.

“We made Amortentia today.” Clary told Izzy, already piling bread and potatoes onto her plate with the gusto of a starving child.

“Oh, I’ve heard about that.” Izzy lit up, always keen to show her knowledge, “That’s the love potion, right?”

“Right,” Clary said through a mouthful, smiling, “I smelt pine, wet paint, and your perfume that I bought for you last Christmas.”

“Cute,” Izzy smiled at her girlfriend for a moment before nodding at Alec, “And you?”

“Cinnamon, burning wood, and sandalwood.” Alec thanked what Gods there may be that he was facing the slytherin table. He searched the green ties but couldn’t spot Magnus for the life of him. With a sigh, he took some slices of beef from a platter in the middle of the table and nicked a particularly crispy looking roast potato from Clary’s plate, stuffing it in his mouth before she could take it back.

“You little-”

“Simon? What about you?” Jace interrupted her with no remorse. Alec felt he probably didn’t have the capability of feeling it.

“What about me?” Simon was happily digging away at a huge portion of lasagne, probably zoned out of the conversation as soon as he laid eyes on it.

“Your amortentia, dumb ass.” Jace rolled his eyes, “What did you smell?”

“I- uh- I don’t remember.”

“What?” Jace stopped where he was picking up a chicken leg, “You don’t remember?”

“No.” Simon shrugged, “I guess it wasn’t that impressive.”

“ _Not that impressive?”_ Jace looked at the other boy as if he had grown another head, and even Alec cowered slightly, not fond of his angry voice, “It’s the most powerful love potion in the world.”

“Clearly I’m like the 0.1 percent of bacteria that escapes then, like in all those bleach commercials.”

“You must be brain dead.” Jace tilted his head, assessing Simon like looking at an interesting experiment.

“I’m not brain dead, Jace. Don’t be an ass hole.” Simon prodded his lasagne with his fork, apparently having lost interest.

“Well, that’s the only reason I can think of that you can’t _remember your amortentia smells-”_

“Could you just drop it, Jace?”

“And miss an opportunity to mock you? Never.”

“Jace.”

“Honestly, you’d think even a _muggle born-”_

“SHUT UP!” Simon slammed his fork down on the table, his chest heaving. The few people surrounding them stopped their conversations; even Clary and Izzy stopped whispering in each other’s ears to look at Simon in horror.

“Simon-” Jace’s voice was soft.

“Don’t.”

It only took a moment for everyone to go back to their own conversations, but the five of them stayed silent.

“Si, it’s-” Clary started but Simon abruptly got up.

“I’ve got to go.” He looked mournfully at his half-finished plate, then walked out of the hall, ignoring the stares that followed him because of his outburst. Clary looked like she wanted to go after him, and nearly got up, but Alec gestured for her to stay.

“I got this.” He said, pushing his plate away and getting to his feet.

“Alec,” Jace caught his wrist just before he went past, “Tell him I’m sorry?”

“No.” Alec pursed his lips, strangely overcome with protectiveness for the nerd, “I’m going to see if he’s alright. You want him to know you’re sorry? Tell him yourself when he wants to talk to you.”

He tugged his wrist out of the other boy’s wrist and marched out of the room, not able to see Simon but pretty sure about where he was going to end up.

 

Simon had his legs pulled up to his chest, and was hugging his knees, staring out the window of their room. His glasses were slipping down his nose but he didn’t bother pushing them back up again. His robes and tie were abandoned on the bed already, probably thrown off in a fit of rage when he came into the room. For someone who looked so harmless, Simon was stronger than he seemed and was not someone you wanted to mess with if he was angry.

“Hey,” Alec climbed onto the window seat so he and Simon were opposite each other, “Want to talk about it?”

“I kind of want to be alone.” Simon mumbled after a moment, still looking out of the window. Clearly his anger had faded into sadness.

“Well, that’s not happening.” Alec crossed his legs and leant his head on the window, proud of the twitch of Simon’s mouth. If anyone tried to make him say that he cared about his well-being, though, he’d probably rather die.

“He can be such a dick; you know?” Simon said after taking in a large breath. Alec simply nodded, feeling like Simon needed to be listened to more than he needed advice. To be honest, Alec was crap at advice anyway so they had a good set up, “I try so hard to be positive, and talk to him, and get his walls down, but all he does is push me and mock me. Then my amortentia-” He stopped and scrunched his eyes closed, “One of these days I’m going to push back and it’s going to hurt.”

“He’s already hurting.” Alec said, feeling like the silent pause had gone on long enough.

“What?” Simon finally looked at him, his brows furrowed and his eyes glassy.

“Jace,” Alec clarified, “Every time he looks at you it’s like he’s hurting himself not letting his guard down. Walls take effort to build, Simon, you have to understand that. It’s hurting him to let you in.”

“So should I stop?” Simon looked baffled, “Give up?”

“I don’t know.” Alec shrugged, “Do you want to?”

“No.” Simon rested his chin on his knees, his glasses still slipping.

“Then don’t.”

“Why?” Alec frowned at that. He didn’t really know, was the thing. If someone tried to get through to him when he had tried so hard to keep everyone out, it would hurt.

“Because I don’t think he wants you to.” Alec said eventually, “Most people with walls want others to prove themselves. They want people to show that they have good intentions and that they’re willing to try.”

“You think that’s what Jace is doing?”

“Honestly,” Alec turned back to Simon with a small smile, “I don’t know. You just have to keep pushing.”

“Okay.” Simon finally pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with his index finger and smiled slightly, “Look at you, being nice.”

“I didn’t mean _my_ walls, Sherman.” Alec got up and grabbed a bag of sweets he had kept under his bed since the train journey. He ripped them open and held his hand out to Simon, a silent offer.

“Thanks.” Simon said, taking one. His eyes said it wasn’t just for the sweet.

“You’re welcome.”

 

Later that night, one Simon was fast asleep, Alec went down to the common room to see if anyone had put out the fire. He found Clary curled up in an arm chair, a book in her lap, her head drooping.

“Hey.” He nudged her shoulder gently and her head shot up. She flicked out a hand that almost hit him, but he managed to lean out of the way at the last second.

“Sorry.” Clary slurred, still half asleep.

“No problem.” Alec smiled down at her, “Come on, you should go to bed if you’re tired enough to fall asleep.”

“Nice deduction skills.” Clary swayed to her feet, and Alec’s hands hovered in the air so he could steady her if she needed it, “I’ve got something for you.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have.” Alec pretended to preen as Clary pulled a small scrap of parchment out of the back of her book. She scoffed and shoved his shoulder.

“It’s not from me, _Alexander.”_ Her tone was mocking and Alec froze. There was only one person who called him that. He quickly unfolded the note and smiled at the lazy, but elegant, scrawl on it.

_Alexander,_

_It was lovely getting to know you in potions, but I would prefer to meet again in better lighting. Wait for me by the doors before our Hogsmeade trip on Wednesday, if you want. No obligations._

_~Magnus Bane  
ps. I think my new favourite colour is blue. Curious, I wonder why?_

“You got yourself a good one, Alec.” Clary started walking over to the girl’s dorms staircase and gestured over her shoulder, “You need to get him to teach me how to do his eyeshadow, ‘cause _damn.”_

“Sure.” Alec breathed non committedly, still staring at the piece of parchment. He was already smitten after meeting the boy once, God knows what would happen if they actually dated.


	2. Rollercoaster Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some serious ups, and serious downs. People need to sort their shit out and the squad has serious issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a lot happens in this chapter in a short period of time.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS-  
> Bullying  
> mild internalised homophobia  
> Self-hate
> 
> There's some serious emotional stuff in here. Or at least I like to think I wrote it that way. It's very plotty, and Raphael is kind of an asshole, sorry.

A candle flickered and burned by Alec’s bed. His quill scratched across the piece of parchment in his lap, the writing messy but eligible. It was already late and Alec refused to go to sleep having not finished the piece of homework for Transfigurations. It wasn’t an option.

“Alec.” Simon whispered into the still air of the room, his cheek squished up against his face where he was lying on his stomach.

“Yeah?” Alec glanced at him before looking down at the essay again. It was nearly done, so close.

“You’re still up.” Simon pointed out blandly.

“No shit.”

“I can’t sleep.” Simon grumbled quietly, and Alec heard sheets ruffle before there was a dip in his bed.

“I did not invite you over here.” Alec raised an eyebrow, moving to dip his quill in the ink pot rested next to the candle.

“I know,” Simon sighed, rubbing his eyes, “Someone invited me to go with them to Hogsmeade tomorrow.” Alec smiled at the reminder of their trip.

“Oh yeah?” Alec paused his writing to pay attention to the boy at the end of his bed, “Who?”

“Raphael Santiago.” Simon watched for Alec’s reaction even though he wasn’t wearing his glasses and probably couldn’t see much.

“Slytherin quidditch captain Raphael Santiago?” Alec remembered him. Raphael Santiago was small but fierce, not unlike Clary. He looked like he never left the castle, and could probably do with a little sunlight and a lot of sleep.

“Yeah,” Simon smiled, “He came up to me before dinner and asked me. Well, he less asked me more said ‘You, me, Hogsmeade, tomorrow.’ I guess I could’ve said no but-”

“Didn’t sound like a question to me.” Alec shrugged, then continued with his work. Simon knew it wasn’t because he didn’t care, so he didn’t worry about looking cruel.

“I would’ve said yes even if it was.” Simon said resolutely, nodding at himself.

“What about-” Alec paused, unsure as to whether Simon wanted it said out loud or not. It was obvious for anyone to see, but maybe the boy didn’t mean it to be.

“Jace?” Simon finished the sentence for him, his expression moving from pained, to determined, in a split second, “He can come to me for once.”

“Even though you’d technically be dating someone?”

“Maye it would be good for me,” Simon looked at where he was fiddling with the duvet with his left hand, “Move on, you know?”

“Maybe.” Alec smiled slightly, putting a full stop on the end of his conclusion.

“Do you think I shouldn’t?”

“I think you should do whatever you damn well want.” Alec carefully placed the parchment on the pile of books by his bed so the ink didn’t smudge, “Jace could take years to get his shit together and you don’t deserve to wait for his sorry ass.”

“I’ve striked a protective nerve,” Simon sat up straighter, beaming, “Should I be proud?”

“No.” Alec frowned, “Go to bed, Sherman.”

“You love me; I’m not letting you slip out of this one. You luuurrve me.”

“Sleep.” Alec blew out the candle and burrowed himself in his covers.

“Fine,” Simon stood up and huffed, “But I know you’re a big softy under the brooding now, there’s no hiding it.”

“Tell anyone,” Alec grumbled, “And I’ll kill you.”

“Whatever, teddy bear.”

Alec fell asleep thinking about what could come of tomorrow, of glittering eyes and a disarming smile.

 

“Here.” Isabelle’s fingers were in his hair and he muttered about annoying sisters and running away to Norway until she deemed him done, “Perfect. Artfully rugged.”

“Yes, he’s perfect, can we go?” Clary stomped her feet impatiently, pouting.

“Babe, we need to wait for Jace.” Isabelle rolled her eyes, still adjusting the collar of Alec’s jacket like it would make any difference. He tried to hit her hands away, but she flicked his chin and he gave up fighting.

“What?” Clary crossed her arms, “I thought he would be going with Simon since Alec is going with Magnus.”

“Simon’s going with Raphael Santiago.” Alec said, and Isabelle pursed her lips, stopping fiddling as if waiting for Clary’s reaction.

“ _What?”_ Clary’s eyes sparked, and though her voice was high it was terrifying.

“Yeah,” Isabelle shrugged, finally moving out of Alec’s space and looking at her girlfriend hesitantly, “Raphael asked him out.”

“But- I thought-” Her gaze settled on Alec, “Hasn’t Jace talked to him yet?”

“How would I know?” Alec frowned.

“Don’t bullshit me, Alec, I know you guys talk about feelings even though you seem to pretend to be _allergic-”_

“Clary.” Isabelle interrupted, but Alec held the girl’s gaze, unmoving.

“Simon is my best friend,” Clary said slowly, “And I love him. But he doesn’t know what is good for him. _This_ is a terrible idea.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know what’s good for him because you always make his decisions _for him._ ” Alec said just as slowly, and he watched Clary hold back a flinch as his stomach rolled.

“Listen-” Clary stepped forward, looking ready for a rant, but Alec spotted a familiar head of red and black hair a few metres away, so held a hand up.

“I don’t have the energy for this, nor do I care.” Is all he said before making his way over. He could see Clary flailing in his peripheral and swallowed down the urge to apologise.

Magnus was stood next to another girl, with dark skin and hair up in a high ponytail. He was wearing a casual blue T Shirt and black jeans, but somehow it looked fashionable. It was coupled with necklaces and bright blue nail varnish, along with his usual glittering eye makeup. Approaching slowly was clearly the best option to appreciate the other boy properly. He just radiated beauty, effortlessly exuding grace and charm like it was no effort at all.

Unluckily, Magnus noticed him approaching and grinned, so Alec had to quicken his pace as to not look like a creep.

“Hello, Alexander,” Magnus greeted him with a gentle hand on his shoulder that shouldn’t have made Alec’s skin sing as much as it did, “This is my friend, Catarina. Catarina, this is Alexa-”

“Alec.” He interrupted, holding his hand out to the girl. She rolled her eyes at Magnus before taking it.

“Everyone calls me Cat.” She said in luau of greeting.

“ _No one_ calls me Alexander.” He replied.

“Okay, before you two love birds gang up on me, I’m going to quickly steal _Alec_ away.” Magnus linked his arm through Alec’s and dragged them down the stone steps. Alec quickly threw a ‘Nice to meet you!’ over his shoulder before they were out of hearing rage.

“She seems nice.” Alec suddenly felt awkward once they were alone, walking towards Hogsmeade with only a few people on the path ahead of them. It wasn’t a cold day, but as was typical of England, it wasn’t a hot one either. Alec wondered how Magnus wasn’t cold at all in just a T Shirt, but he could feel the warm skin through his hoodie and didn’t know why he wasn’t surprised.

“She’s a menace.” Magnus pouted, his voice sounding like it belonged amongst the rustle of the leaves and whistling of the wind. Even the glitter surrounding his eyes was a luminescent green, like he predicted how the colours would blend and match with today’s tones. Alec smiled at him, his offended but fond tone extremely familiar.

“Now, I know you may have some ideas about where you want to go but I’m vetoing all of that so we can go to the sweet shop.” Magnus started talking a mile a minute, like if he didn’t say it all now it would disappear from his mind, never to be remembered again.

“Got cravings?”

“Like a woman on the eighth month of pregnancy, demanding to go to McDonalds.” Magnus grinned, resting his head on Alec’s shoulder as they walked, “You better get some sugar down me, Alec, or I don’t know what will happen.”

“I don’t know,” Alec hummed, “I think it would be interesting to see you on a sugar-deficiency rampage.”

“Oh no, Alexander, you want to watch me suffer?” Magnus leaned away, so he could look Alec in the eye, faking offence.

“Would it be easier to handle than a sugar high?”

“Possibly.” Magnus looked Alec up and down, considering, “Here’s me thinking I got myself a Hufflepuff knight in shining armour.”

“You want a knight in shining armour? Try Gryffindor.”

“I prefer to judge on character, not house.” Magnus pursed his lips, no longer teasing, “Do you?”

“I try.”

_“Faggot!” A voice shouted across a crowded hallway. Alec could guess who it was._

_“Alec, baby, how do you take it?!” Before he knew it, his face was meeting the floor and there was a foot was hitting his stomach._

“Us Slytherins are known for our loyalty too, you know.” Magnus’ voice broke Alec away from his memory, and he looked down to see the other boy watching him. Considering neither of them were looking where they were going, it was a surprise that they hadn’t tripped up yet.

“Is that so?” He tried to keep his voice light, looking at his feet under the guise of stepping over gnarled roots.

“Hufflepuffs would die for the ones they love,” Magnus said quietly, “But Slytherins would kill for them.”

“Would you?”

“Who says I haven’t already?” Alec looked up in shock, his eyes wide, but Magnus was smiling.

“You’re a good actor, you know that?” Alec laughed, keeping his lips together so maybe it wasn’t so loud and obnoxious.

“Or a good liar.” Magnus pulled Alec closer by their linked arms, and he tripped at the shock movement, making both of them almost tumble forward. Alec caught Magnus by his shoulders and pulled him up so they were facing each other.

“I thought you were smooth.” Alec teased, distracted by the curl of the smirk on Magnus’ lips.

“And I _knew_ you were a knight in shining armour.” Magnus whispered, like a secret, letting the words float between them before they were blown away in the wind.

“More like a squire.” Alec ducked his head, his cheeks flush.

“Oh, shut up.” Magnus flicked him in the shoulder, then entwined their fingers. It felt so different to when Clary did it when they first came back. He felt every point of contact between them like fireworks and electricity. He didn’t really have a chance to adjust before Magnus was tugging at their joint hands and running forward, into Hogsmeade, laughing like a madman.

 

“You sure you want to eat your third in a row?” Alec raised an eyebrow.

“I’m preparing my palette for some butterbeer.” Magnus sucked on the lollipop obscenely, his mouth popping when he took it out. Alec looked away.

“I think we should find the others.” He was getting too distracted, too soon. Maybe this was a date, maybe Magnus really did like him, but he was still a stranger. At this point, Magnus’ lips around the sweet were becoming a problem, rather than a pleasant sight to see.

“Others?” Magnus looked at him, but Alec didn’t meet his gaze. They were sat on a bench just outside of the book shop, slap bang in the middle of Hogsmeade. Their thighs were touching and Alec’s heart was racing. It was too much.

“Alec!” Simon ran up to them, an annoyed looking Raphael trailing behind him.

“Hey, Simon.” Alec got up, grateful for the escape.

“Raphael.” Magnus said, his heat radiating from him into Alec’s side.

“Magnus Bane.” Raphael replied, looking greatly amused.

“Was the surname necessary?” Magnus crossed his arms.

“Was the glitter?” Raphael gestured vaguely. Alec and Simon looked between them.

“You two know each other?” Simon frowned, looking at Alec as if he would know something and just getting a shrug in reply.

“We’re both good looking Slytherins with high grades and a love for trouble.” Magnus raised an eyebrow, “Of course we know each other.”

“Have you two-?” Alec started but was interrupted by Magnus’ abrupt laugh.

“Oh, he wishes.” He drawled, licking his lips while gazing at Raphael. It made Alec’s stomach twist.

“You think everyone wants to sleep with you, Magnus. I’m probably one of the few resistant to your so-called ‘charms’.”

“They aren’t _so-called._ ” Magnus scoffed, waving a hand.

“How many in the last year have fallen under your spell?” Raphael took a step forward, standing in line with a very confused looking Simon.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to _insinuate-”_ Magnus snapped.

“I’m not insinuating anything, just asking a simple question. Can you not answer it?” Raphael’s eyes were gleaming, and Magnus fumed. The lead in Alec’s stomach grew.

“Come _on._ ” Magnus rolled his eyes.

 _“Raphael.”_ Simon hissed warningly, glancing towards Alec, seeing the tension in his shoulders.

“How _is_ Camille?” Raphael tilted his head, never looking away from Magnus. Suddenly the world came crashing down over Alec’s lungs, like all the air was being pulled out of him within a second. He knew what was happening, but had no way of stopping it. It used to happen all the time. Panic attacks, shaking, difficulty breathing.

“I’ve got to go.” Alec managed to push out before walking away, not glancing back at Magnus. He knew there would just be a resigned expression on his face.

The wind became too loud, and all of the chattering voices were suddenly overwhelming, hammering inside his head like a migraine. Alec wiped a hand over his forehead and wandered without direction, hoping to find somewhere with less _noise._

His skin crawling, he came across an alley between two buildings. Without a thought, he turned down it and put the palms of his hands against the wall, trying to take deep breaths that got stuck somewhere in his throat. He couldn’t tell the difference between the thumping of his heart and footsteps, so startled when a hand touched his shoulder.

“It’s okay.” Simon’s voice filtered through the chaos, and Alec tried not to be disappointed that it wasn’t Magnus.

“No it’s not.” Alec rested his forehead on the brick, clenching his fists and accidentally scratching his nails against the wall.

“Come on, sit down.” Simon eased him away from the wall and pulled them both to the ground. They shuffled so they were leaning against the building and Alec thumped his head back.

“I’m an idiot.” He said, staring at the clouds above them, cursing the butterflies in his stomach that fooled him into enjoying anything apart from what he was allowed.

“We both are.” Simon sighed, “You found a lothario, I got a twat.”

“Language.” Alec scolded automatically, closing his eyes.

“Don’t act like you don’t swear.” Simon knocked his knuckles against Alec’s knee, “You want me to find Jace?”

“No.” Alec scrunched his eyebrows together, “No, you’re good.”

“Okay.” Alec heard clothes shuffling, and silence fell.

 

Dinner was awkward.

Alec was silent, moving food around his plate, his appetite gone with the light feeling earlier today. He kept his gaze on the food, knowing that if he looked up he would see Clary glaring at him. Maybe if he stayed in the same position long enough her gaze would burn a hole right through his head.

“So, how did your dates go?” Izzy said into the silence, merely earning glances.

“Pretty well.” Simon lied, and Alec scoffed.

“Oh really?” Jace said condescendingly, “Because I seem to recall seeing you storm away from him earlier.”

“You stalking me?” Simon didn’t bother denying it.

“No.” Jace grumbled, “I was in the joke shop.”

“Figures.” Simon snorted.

“What does that mean?” Jace straightened, his jaw clenching.

“Could you two stop for ten seconds so we can eat without getting your drama all over us?” Alec snapped, and the two fell silent.

“ _Now_ you voice your opinion.” Clary raised an eyebrow.

“No one asked for yours.” Alec stabbed at some meat on his plate, still not having bothered looking up.

“Since when were you so bitter?” Clary rested her chin in her hand, faking innocent curiosity.

“Have you met me? I don’t have any other role to fill in this group. You have whiny child, Izzy has supportive friend, Jace has emotionally constipated ass hole, and Simon has nerd virgin. Bitter grump was the only one left. Unless you want me to be a gay best friend?” Alec gritted his teeth, trying to stop more of an outburst.

“You really think that?” It was Izzy that spoke this time and he looked up. Her puppy eyes were on full force, like when they were kids. He blinked.

“I _know_ that.” His sister looked like she was about to launch into a speech, so he got to his feet and left without another word.

 

“Alec-” Magnus caught up to him on one of the moving staircases, so Alec couldn’t escape straight away.

“Don’t.” He said moving to the top few steps so he could run as soon as they connected to a corridor.

“Raphael was being a dick, you can’t honestly think-”

“Was he lying?” Alec interrupted, holding Magnus’ pleading gaze with a carefully blank expression.

“What?”

“Was Raphael lying about you being with loads of people.” He didn’t bother phrasing it as a question, knowing the answer. His jaw tightened when Magnus didn’t reply, just fish mouthed, “I’m not interested in being a notch in your belt.”

“You’re not-” Magnus took a step towards him, but Alec held up a hand.

“I said _don’t.”_ He felt the familiar shake of the staircase stopping and stormed away before the slytherin could say anything else.

 

Alec pretended to be asleep when Simon came into the room later that night. He heard the boy pause by his bed, take in a breath, then walk away again.

It was probably for the best, to push them away. Izzy would forgive him. It was only a matter of time before the others figured out that he wasn’t worth their time, anyway. It’s better to burn than to be replaced. If it was Alec’s decision to leave, he couldn’t, he _shouldn’t,_ be hurt.

That didn’t stop the churning of his stomach.

All they needed him for was to be a ready ear. Simon talked to him, but never cared. None of them did. Clary was quick to turn on him when she thought he wasn’t doing the right thing, and Jace didn’t speak to him at all that night, not even asking about Magnus or noticing that Alec was hurting.

 _“You think you’re special?”_ A familiar voice crept into his head, teasing and superior, _“You’re nothing, little Alec. Nothing.”_

He was.

They were better off without him, and he was better off alone.

 

Pretending to be asleep would have only worked for so long, so Alec got up before anyone else and left the common room for breakfast as soon as it would be available. No one usually got up for another hour or so, which meant Alec could eat breakfast and get away to lessons without having to interact with anyone.

After two pieces of dry toast and some black coffee, he headed to the library to waste some time before potions.

_Potions._

It would probably be easy to switch partners, avoid Magnus, never speak to him again. But a nagging voice in the back of his mind told him to be the bigger person. He could sit with Magnus. It was a lesson, and they would only have to speak to each other in a professional capacity. Alec would make sure of it.

He got to around half way through the book he randomly picked off the shelf by the start of the lesson, and got in just before Professor Fell started talking. Taking his place next to Magnus without looking at him, he got out his book and quill, then resolutely faced the front. He felt three gazes on him, but ignored all of them. For once in his life, he managed to block everything out and focus on what was written on the board, glad to find out this was just a theory lesson, with no practical.

“We talked about amortentia last lesson in a completely practical context,” Fell spoke slowly and deliberately, smiling slightly, “Today we need to learn the context of it, and its risks, plus all of its effects.” Alec scribbled a title down on his page, eager to learn no matter what was going on in his social life.

“We know that infatuation is a side effect of this potion. Others include becoming bloated, restlessness, short attention span, and many other possible things. At first, this was created as a perfume for the creator’s lover. We don’t know for sure who created it, but we do know that their love was forbidden for some reason. They tried to make a potion that would replicate their aroma for their lover, so they could be reminded of them when they were apart,” Fell laughed, “Of course, this was not what they made. Instead, it was this potent love potion. They found this out by giving it to their lover and finding them much more enamoured than they were before, not being able to think about anything other than their love for the creator,” Fell wrote down key words on the board as he continued, “These effects wore off after a few hours, and after that they worked on the potion to make it more potent and felixble, meaning it would work for anyone and not just them. After that, it became known as amortentia, the love potion, not the perfume with ridiculous effects.” He pointed to a small hufflepuff boy, “Yes?”

“Why was their love forbidden?” He asked, blushing at the attention that was given to him.

“We don’t know for sure,” Fell shrugged, “But society, including the wizarding society, was even less accepting of difference than they are now, which meant there could’ve been many reasons for it. They could have been a pureblood and a muggleborn, maybe from rivalling families. Most rumour that they were either both male, or both female.”

“There goes my respect for this ‘creator’.” One girl scoffed, and Alec glared at her.

“Don’t be a homophobe, Jessie.” Magnus practically growled, “It gives you wrinkles.”

“I’m a traditionalist, sue me.” The girl shrugged, unperturbed.

“There’s a difference between being a traditionalist, and being ignorant.” Alec surprised everyone, including himself, when he spoke up, “Some people are different to you, get used to it, and learn to respect them when they do something good.”

“Or what?” She narrowed her eyes, and Alec wasn’t surprised to see a green tie hanging loosely from her neck and set his jaw.

“Or you’ll see why hufflepuffs shouldn’t be underestimated.”

“Alright.” Fell waved a hand, “That’s enough. Jessie, I would appreciate it if you kept your bigoted views to yourself from now on.”

“Are you not going to tell this kid off for threatening me?!” She shouted, waving a hand in Alec’s direction. Before Alec could reply, a voice was coming from beside him.

“That _kid_ has a name,” Magnus said, his voice confident and demanding respect, “Alec was defending our people, who _you_ disrespected.”

“Your people?” Jessie scoffed, “You’re not a different race.”

“No, we’re not.” Magnus clicked his fingers, “See? You’re learning.”

“ _Enough._ ” Fell boomed and the they fell silent, “Now, as I was saying-”

“Thank you.” Alec whispered, staring at his hands and hoping Magnus heard and knew it was for him.

“Don’t thank me.” Magnus whispered back, and Alec glanced at him through the corner of his eye. His tie was loose, and his hair was messy, like he had been running his hands through it. For the first time, Alec was seeing him without makeup, and he looked beautiful. It took a lot of strength to not hitch a breath. He simply blinked at the other boy, able to tell by his face that he wanted to speak again, “Do you forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive, it’s not your fault you like being with lots of people.”

“Then why the cold shoulder?” Magnus frowned in confusion, but there was no scorn there, just hurt.

“I-” Alec choked back the honest answer. _Because I don’t want to fall for your laugh, your smile, your eyes, just to have you move on to the next one like I was nothing,_ “I’m nothing,” Alec closed his eyes, “To you. I’m nothing to _you._ ”

“Oh.” Magnus pursed his lips, “Alec-”

“Don’t,” Alec tried to smile, “You like hanging out with people, moving through them, I just don’t want to be one of those people.”

“Don’t _want_ to? Or don’t think you _deserve_ to?” Magnus’ eyes were searching and open, and Alec had to look away, hiding a flinch.

“Don’t get cocky.” His voice shook slightly, and he prayed that Magnus didn’t pick up on it.

“You know you’re beautiful, right?” Magnus leaned closer, his words whispered like a secret again, but there was no wind to take it away.

“Magnus-” Alec squirmed under the attention, feeling himself go red.

“The first time I saw you I thought I would be lucky to have your attention for _one second-”_

“Stop it.” Alec closed his eyes, feeling Magnus’ breath on the side of his neck. He noticed everyone around them had started talking, clearly having been given something to discuss while the two of them were distracted.

“I wanted to get to know you,” Magnus continued, but didn’t come any closer, “See what you looked like when you laugh-”

“ _Please._ ” It’s then that Alec realised his eyes were watering. He quickly wiped at them and watched as Magnus flinched away like he had been hit. Alec hid his face in his hands and cursed himself for being so _stupid._ He didn’t deserve the compliments, he didn’t deserve Magnus, he didn’t deserve his friends, he didn’t deserve any of it, and now he was crying in the middle of a lesson because of how pathetic he was.

_“Saw you hanging out with your friends earlier,” The boy laughed, “Didn’t think you had it in you to fool so many people into thinking you’re worth anything. Quite the act, huh? Bet if they knew what you were really like-”_

_“They do.” Alec grumbled from his place on the toilet floor._

_“I meant your_ kind.”

_“My- my kind?” He got a kick in the shin for the stupid, stupid question._

_“Gay little freaks!” The boy shouted, “You don’t deserve friends! None of you do! Especially you.”_

He heard the distant sound of his stool hitting the floor, and Fell asking him if he was alright before his knees hit the floor and the tightness of his lungs consumed him, making everything a painful, dizzying blur.

_“Why me?”_

_“Because you aren’t worth anything. Don’t forget that.”_

 

There were some murmuring voices to his right, hushed whispers that had a sense of urgency to them, like a quiet argument.

“You shouldn’t have spoken to him like that.” It was Izzy, Alec would know her voice anywhere.

“He wasn’t exactly being kind to me, either.” The second was higher, and must’ve belonged to Clary if the defiance in her tone was anything to go by.

“You should’ve known it would be a trigger.” Izzy hissed, “He is my _brother,_ Clary, I care about him more than anything.”

“So he’s forgiven in all this?” Clary raised her voice slightly, then must’ve remembered where they were and lowered it again, “Just because he fell apart and I didn’t?”

“He isn’t broken.” Izzy insisted, her arms probably crossed.

Alec blinked his eyes open, and saw Izzy stood by his side, with Clary just behind her. Both of them looked angry, but Izzy’s expression melted into relief when he tried to sit up.

“Morning sleepy head,” Izzy looked like he wanted to help, but held back, knowing Alec would’ve waved her away anyway, “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine.” He looked around, seeing that they were in the infirmary, “Why am I in here? It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t.” Clary crossed her arms, looking relieved but her anger had not fallen away like Izzy’s had.

“I think you should go.” Izzy glared, and Clary looked like she wanted to say something, but walked away instead, leaving an angry cloud of dust in her wake.

“I don’t like you fighting over me.” Alec looked down at his lap, glad to see that he was still in his uniform. They must’ve just brought him up here to sleep off whatever happened to him.

“Neither do I,” Izzy sighed, “But you come first, and she needs to accept that if she wants this to work.”

“I’m not-”

“Don’t you dare,” Izzy pointed at him, her expression fierce, “Don’t you dare say you are not worth it, Alec, because you are worth the world. I came out of defence against the dark arts to see you, and you have to be pretty damn important for me to miss my favourite subject.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec grumbled.

“That was not the point of what I said, Alec.” She perched on the edge of the bed and held his hand between hers, “You would do anything for me, and I would do anything for you. That’s how this works. Jace would be here too but he was at quidditch practise and they couldn’t pass on the message that you were even in here.”

“Don’t tell him.” Alec looked at her, pleading, “I can’t-” He took in a deep breath, “I don’t want his pity.”

“Okay,” She agreed, her lips pursed, “Okay. But you’re seeing Simon. He’s been going crazy worrying about you. I only just got rid of him so he could go get some food for us all instead of pacing at the end of your bed like a mother bird.”

“Can we go find him, then?” Alec moved to get out of bed, but Izzy stopped him with a hand on his bicep.

“Nope,” She popped the ‘p’, “We’re staying here until later. Madame Pomphrey wants you under a watchful eye. She thinks you fainting during the panic attack was because you haven’t been eating enough.”

“Oh.” Alec settled again, feeling properly scolded, “I didn’t even notice.”

“I know.” Izzy smiled a little sadly, “In third year you didn’t eat for days without thinking about it. They’re not- I mean- I know the worst ones were kicked out but- they’re not doing it again, right? You’d tell me?”

“I would, Iz.” Alec frowned, “Of course I would tell you. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” She stroked a hand up and down his arm, gently trailing her fingers like she did whenever she caught him mid panic attack.

“Magnus.”

“Magnus?” Izzy stopped moving her hand, “What did he do? Do you want me to hurt him?”

“No!” Alec shouted, then schooled himself, “No, not- it’s not- he didn’t do anything. It’s me. I’m- I’m the one that fucked up. I can’t take compliments and he- he does nothing but- I just- I couldn’t-”

“It’s okay.” Izzy nodded, “I get it. It’s hard.”

“The things they said to me-” Alec swallowed. This was the first time he had admitted that the words got to him more than the beatings. The more the boys taunted him and called him worthless, the more he believed them. It was homophobic and wrong, and Alec knew being gay wasn’t a bad thing, so that meant _he_ was the problem. He was bad, and wrong, and he drew attention to himself by coming out, meaning the boys just used it as an excuse to give him what he deserved. He never shook their words, but internalised them, “They were right.”

“Alec-”

“Why else would I always be second?” Alec stared resolutely at the sheets beneath his clenched fingers, “Everyone looked at you, or Jace, and now Simon or Clary. I’m the background, I’m the weird one, I’m the _gay_ one-”

“There’s nothing wrong with being-”

“I know,” Alec interrupted her again, knowing that if he didn’t carry on right now then he would never say it, “It’s not that- it’s just- there are so many people who are gay or lesbian or bisexual or whatever but they went for _me._ So there must be something in _me._ I’m not worth attention, I’m not special, I’m just- I’m-”

“You’re _Alec._ ” Izzy said. She brought a hand to Alec’s cheek and wiped away tears he didn’t even realise were falling, “You are my brother, Jace’s best friend, and, honestly, you’re Simon’s best friend too. Clary will always be his oldest friend but I know you two have become close. You’re kind, smart, funny and honest.”

“Izzy-”

“I _know_ you don’t want to hear it and I have tried so hard to leave your walls alone, but you deserve more than you give yourself.” Izzy swiped her thumb over his cheekbone again and smiled wetly, “You’re a hufflepuff, which is something to be proud of. It means you’re loyal, kind and true. I love you so much and I hate that you can’t see yourself the way everyone around you sees you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _Stop_ that.” Izzy laughed, blinking rapidly to fend off tears, “You don’t need to be sorry for what those idiots did to you. Only a robot wouldn’t be affected by what they said. You’re human, you hurt, you break, you fall apart, and that’s _okay.”_

“Okay.” The word sounded hollow even to Alec.

“Just-” Izzy sighed, “When someone compliments you, I want you to say thank you. All I want from you is a _thank you._ Don’t deny it, don’t argue with it, you don’t even have to smile, just say thank you. _Please_. For me.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded, jostling Izzy’s hand, “I can- I can do that for you.”

“You’re wonderful, Alec. I love you.”

“Thank you,” Alec said, his voice still shaking, “I love you too.”

“Who wants _blueberry muffins!”_ Simon came hurtling into the room, holding at least seven muffins in his arms and looking positively gleeful.

“Me,” Alec found his voice, smiling despite himself, happy to have at least one person acting normal around him, “I’m claiming four of those.”

“They’re all yours, buddy,” Simon grinned, sitting on the edge of the bed and dropping the food down, “You’re looking dashing.”

“Thank you.” Alec said, grabbing one and missing the proud look Simon and Izzy exchanged.

 

The light glinted off Magnus’ cheekbones, clearly enhanced by highlight, and made him glow. He was so beautiful that it made Alec feel unworthy just stood near him. His hands were clammy, and his stomach was turning with nerves.

“You can do this.” Izzy said, her chin hooked over his shoulder.

“I want to talk to him so badly,” Alec crossed his arms, “What if I fucked it up?”

“If he’s worth your time, he wouldn’t care about all that.”

“He’s worth way more than _my_ time.” Alec huffed, and Izzy flicked him in the ear.

“Your time is worth a lot.” She moved to stand by his side, and they both stood, arms crossed, watching Magnus talk to a large group and make them laugh.

“Thank you.” Alec said, then realised what they must look like, “You realise we look like we’re about to shoot someone, right?”

“Born to be aurors.” Izzy flicked her hair over her shoulder, “Now go.”

“Have you talked to Clary yet?” Alec asked instead of following her orders.

“No.” Izzy said, holding her chin up as if daring him to argue.

“If I do this,” Alec nodded towards Magnus, “Then you talk to Clary.”

“Deal.” She said, and Alec started forward, glad to have some other purpose instead of selfishness for his talk to Magnus. His bravery immediately dissolved when Magnus’ smile dropped as he spotted Alec approaching, but it was too late to turn back now.

“Magnus,” He said, surprised at how steady his voice was considering the somersaults his heart was doing, “Can we talk?” Somehow, he managed not to look at all of the people who were now gazing at him curiously, instead of laughing at whatever Magnus was saying.

“Of course.” Magnus nodded quickly, moving away from the crowd without excusing himself.

They walked over to the edge of the room, and Magnus leaned against the wall, looking up at Alec through his eyelashes like a wounded animal, waiting for the killing bite.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, his arms hanging uselessly at his side, “For making you feel guilty.”

“I made myself feel guilty, Alexander- sorry- Alec-”

“No,” Alec shook his head, frowning, “You can call me Alexander if you want.”

“Okay,” Magnus smiled slightly, “I pushed too far, Alexander. You didn’t want me, or my compliments, and that is fine, you are allowed to feel that way.”

“It wasn’t-” Alec crossed his arms, shuffling on his feet. He was never good with _words._ “I wanted you. I- I still- um- want you. I just can’t take compliments and you were so-”

“Complementary?”

“Yeah,” Alec felt his lips twitch, “I’m learning. I want to learn. If you- if you still-”

“Of course!” Magnus lifted off the wall then realised how much enthusiasm he was showing, “I mean- sure. I would like that. Very much.”

“Good.” Alec smiled properly now, and Magnus smiled back. Then they were just two idiots, smiling at each other in a random room in the castle, not really knowing where they were going but happy with the knowledge that they were going somewhere.

“Let’s start over.” Magnus stood up properly this time, and held out a hand, “I’m Magnus. Magnus Bane.”

“Alec Lightwood.” Alec took his hand and grinned, “Nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> this is totally not the end, we have a way to go. 
> 
> Malec angst is over (i think) so now we get some cuteness, jimon being resolved, clizzy sorting their shit out, and squad bonding. There's going to be some serious worshipping too btw I'll decide if it's smut later idk
> 
> I hope you liked it and come back for more!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to resolve some stuff. I can't stand the squad being mad at each other :(

In life, Alec was a huge fan of pretending nothing is wrong and waiting until the problem goes away. That meant he wasn’t going to bother talking to Clary any time soon. If she came to him, sure, but until then, he was just going to avoid her like the plague.

“You’re not coming to dinner?” Simon was packing his things, shooting Alec glances between books he put in his bag. Alec shrugged.

“Nah,” He said, “I’m not that hungry.”

“Madame Promfrey said you need to not skip any meals, though.” Simon frowned.

“I had a big lunch.” Alec raised an eyebrow, hoping Simon didn’t know his tells for lying. It was a long shot, clearly having been a hit and miss when Simon just scoffed.

“You’re not skipping dinner.”

“Honestly, Simon, I’m good. I don’t feel light headed and I have a lot of work to do, okay?”

“Alec.” Simon closed the book Alec was trying to bury his head in, and snatched it away, “You’re eating dinner. You can do your work later.”

“You’re not going to stop, are you?”

“Nope.” Simon popped the ‘p’. He’s been spending too much time with Isabelle, “Besides, I know you’re avoiding Clary and that isn’t going to work forever, so I’m just speeding up the process of you two getting your heads out of your asses.”

“My head isn’t in my ass.” Alec grumbled, getting up to put away the rest of his things since Simon seemed to have claimed ownership of the book.

“No, probably not, but it is totally in the sand.” Simon started to lead the way out of the library, “You’re like a cowardly ostrich, waiting for the storm to pass over so you can finally breathe again. It’s pathetic.”

“I know.”

“Hey,” Simon shoved the book into Alec’s chest, and he only just put his hand in front of it before it fell on the floor, “Maybe Clary’s just as much of a wuss as you and won’t say anything.”

“Or she’ll try glare a hole through my head, and actually succeed this time.”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

It was as if the pictures on the walls could tell Alec was walking into his doom, because he felt eyes watching him as they walked down to the hall. It had been a week since he had talked to Clary. He managed to eat breakfast and lunch at different times, then go to Madame Promfrey to eat, or lie to Jace about having too much homework so that he could just snack on stuff he snuck away from lunch. Unfortunately, Simon wasn’t as gullible or blindly trusting as Jace. Alec had a feeling this was going to end badly.

“I don’t want to do this.” Alec stayed a bit behind Simon, hoping his massive frame was somehow hidden by the smaller boy.

“Don’t want to do this as in you’re scared? Or you genuinely feel like you’ll have a panic attack or something?” Simon looked over his shoulder worriedly.

Alec could have said that he was really struggling, that this was one of those times when he couldn’t do it. But that would make him a victim and he didn’t want that. He wanted to get better, and that meant not using his issues as an excuse.

“Just scared.” Alec said, “I’m pretty sure she wants me to apologise.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Because I wasn’t the only one in the wrong and I refuse to kiss her ass.” Alec said, and realised he was probably angrier about this than he previously thought.

“Are you still mad?” They slowed down as they reached the hall, and Alec could see Jace, Izzy and Clary sat in their usual place on the Gryffindor table.

“She tried to make Izzy feel guilty about taking my side.” Alec watched as Clary and Izzy resolutely didn’t look at each other, sat further apart than usual. He scowled.

“That’s pretty shitty,” Simon shrugged, “But she was angry and upset that her girlfriend wasn’t defending her. Is that so wrong?”

“Yes.” Alec said honestly. He wouldn’t be angry at anyone for not prioritising him. It was understandable, other people were more important. Clary should know that.

“You’re here for dinner?” Jace gasped, putting a hand to his heart, “I think I’m in shock.”

“Shut up.” Alec thwacked him on the back of the head and sat down on the boy’s left, while Simon took his place on the right.

“Did Garroway give you that essay on the theory of the patronus?” Isabelle asked him, her eyes laced with concern, but her words not betraying that. Alec smiled at her, trying to show that he was fine and that she didn’t need to worry.

“Yeah, I finished it last night. Do you want my notes, or something?” Alec started putting some food on his plate, anything to look away from Isabelle’s searching gaze.

“That’d be awesome, thanks.” Izzy sighed, “I’m usually so good at theory but the patronus is totally throwing me off. Give me an animal to dissect and I will tell you every part of it. But the soul and why is presents itself? Nada.”

“Always the scientist.” Alec waved his fork, trying hard not to look at Clary, though he could feel her eyes on him.

“Are you reading that book I gave you?” Jace asked Simon, nudging his shoulder, “It seemed like your kind of this. There were robots.”

“Do they count as robots when they’re aliens?” Simon laughed, “I mean, wouldn’t the aliens call themselves something different? Or are they alien robots?”

“So you _did_ read it.” Jace preened, as if it were a compliment to him.

“Of course I did.” Simon rolled his eyes, “It was pretty good, actually. I commend your taste, good sir.”

“Thank you, kind sir.” Jace did a mini bow, as much as the table would allow without him head-butting it, “I’ll make sure I keep you up to date on my ‘must read’ list.”

Alec watched them interact with narrowed eyes. Had they talked? He hadn’t really spoken to Simon about Jace in the last week, and they hadn’t really hung out as a group for that long too. It was hard to tell whether their lack of arguments was a good sign or a bad one.

His question is answered for him when a certain someone with jet black hair and the complexion of a vampire sauntered up to their table and sat next to Simon as if he belonged there. Alec’s heart clenched and he looked away from Raphael, remembering what he said last week in Hogsmeade. He and Magnus hadn’t really talked about it, only having seen each other in potions and sometimes passing each other in the corridor. Honestly, Alec wasn’t sure what was going on between them. It was as if Magnus was being cautious. He flirted lightly, and never touched him. They hadn’t even been on a date. The whole situation was hard to read for Alec, especially because he had never actually dated anyone before.

“Raphael.” Jace greeted stiffly.

“Jonathan.” Raphael replied smoothly.

“His name is Jace.” Simon gave Raphael a warning look, to which Raphael nodded in acknowledgment.

“Lo siento.”

Dinner went on in silence after that, apart from Simon and Raphael quietly talking.

Alec could still feel Clary staring at him a few times, but didn’t look at her. Or anyone. He pretty much ran away at the end, set on interrogating Simon later when they went to their rooms. In the meantime, escape. He decided to detour in order to put his books back in the library, since Simon didn’t really give him the chance.

It turned out that was a mistake.

This became apparent when he opened the painting to go into the common room to find Clary sat in an armchair, her arms crossed, her mouth set in a grim line. Alec froze at the entrance. He considered moving extremely slowly, hoping that Clary wouldn’t see him if she wasn’t paying attention. That plan was foiled when her head snapped up at the painting swinging closed again.

“Um-” Alec pursed his lips. Only he and Clary were in the common room but it suddenly felt as if the walls were closing in. They seemed to be stuck in some sort of staring contest, seeing who would speak first, “I’m just going to-”

“Alec,” Clary stood up and intercepted him in his attempted escape to the boys’ dorms, “We need to talk.”

“No. No we do not. In fact, I think not talking has worked pretty well for us so far so if you could just-”

“I’m sorry.” Clary interrupted him, her voice raised. She looked angry about it, “I shouldn’t have blamed you for Simon’s bad decisions, or criticised you for not being happy because I know you’ve been through a lot so- so can we please move on from this? I don’t like fighting with you.”

“Um-” Alec gaped, “I feel like you’re not happy about having to say this.” He gestured to the girl’s crossed arms and stern expression.

“I don’t do-” She waved a hand vaguely, “Sentiment or apologising but Izzy talked to me and I was wrong. For once. I don’t like her being angry with me, and I don’t like you avoiding the whole group because of me. You’re one of my best friends, and the group is lost without you. I’m angry because I’m frustrated that words don’t come naturally to me like they do with Izzy and you.”

“For the record,” Alec started to smile, “That was pretty good. Also, I’m not good with words, why would you think I’m good with words?”

“Simon comes to you for advice,” Clary raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching, “You must be alright.”

“That’s more him needing someone to just listen to him rather than someone to give advice.”

“Just admit you’re a sap, we can hug, then move on.” Clary rolled her eyes, holding her arms out like an invitation. Alec scoffed before pulling her head into his chest and burying his nose in her hair. Hugging shorter people was always a great experience.

“I might be a bit of a sap.”

“Totally.”

“Under a lot of bitterness, though.”

“I bet Magnus will love that.”

“Magnus seems to like everything about me. It’s weird.”

“You’re great.” Clary looked up at him, and slapped his chest when Alec laughed in disbelief, “Really, you are. Magnus will be lucky to have you.”

“Thank you.” Alec said after a moment, “Now I kind of need the toilet so-”

“Say no more.” Clary backed away from him with her hands up, a smile on her face, “Go pee. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You know? You’re not terrible.” Both he and Clary knew that was the closest he would ever get to a declaration of affection.

“You too.”

 

“Alec!” Someone was shouting from outside the dorm room, and Alec groaned. He didn’t want to be awake. It was Saturday, he wasn’t meant to be anywhere, so he was staying in bed, “Alec!”

“I’m coming!” Alec yelled, giving in when it sounded like whoever it was, was going to knock down the door if he kept ignoring them. He rolled out of bed, not caring about the fact that he was only wearing boxers and a t shirt, and swung the door open to see Jason from transfigurations stood in the doorway, “What.” He said blankly.

“There’s a slytherin here to see you.” He didn’t say it like it was a bad thing, but still the fact that he referred to a person by their house annoyed Alec.

“Lots of glitter?”

“So much glitter.” Jason nodded, looking kind of shell shocked.

“Magnus Bane,” Alec narrowed his eyes, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach, “Learn to use his name and tell him I’ll be down in a minute.”

Without another word, he closed the door again and ran back to his bed, grabbing some black jeans from the floor in front of it and accepting the fact that his sleeping t shirt would have to do. Nothing would make him look better anyway, and he didn’t want to keep Magnus waiting. Why was he even here? Maybe he wanted notes for potions, or to ask about something else. Does Magnus play quidditch? He might want to know something about that.

Alec shook his head, making his way down the stairs to the common room. A little voice in his head that sounded a lot like Izzy told him ‘He’s here to see _you,_ dumb ass’. By the time he got to the bottom, there was a small smile on his face.

“Alexander.” Magnus greeted him, completely unfazed by the amount of hufflepuff eyes on him. For a moment, Alec wondered how they knew Magnus was even a slytherin considering they weren’t in uniform, but then he saw the garish green scarf around his neck with glittering snakes embroidered onto the ends.

“Magnus.” Alec smiled, “Um- you wanted to see me?”

“You make it sound so formal,” Magnus looked Alec up and down like there was anything to see, and Alec’s skin tingled as if he were being touched, “I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk?”

“I’d love to. I’ll just go get some shoes and-” He took a step back and bumped into a table, “Yeah, I’ll just- um- Yeah.” He quickly turned and ran up the stairs before he could embarrass himself any further.

He didn’t really focus on which pair of shoes he was pulling on, just that he needed them to walk so he could spend time with Magnus. Magnus, who had come into a hufflepuff dorm, a famously peaceful house, as a slytherin, an infamously cunning house, just to see him. They shouldn’t go together, but they do. It was a happy balance.

Halfway back down the stairs, Alec realised he was being over eager, and didn’t want to scare Magnus away. He slowed right down until he felt he probably looked as if his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest.

“Let’s go.” Alec all but dragged Magnus out of the room, wary of the many pairs of eyes watching them with unashamed suspicion,

“Doesn’t that bother you?” He asked once they were safely in the corridor outside.

“What?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, his gaze trailing from Alec’s eyes, to his lips, and back again. Alec swallowed.

“Everyone was staring at you.” He looked away, slipping on the hoodie he had grabbed from beside the door. He wasn’t sure where Magnus was leading them, but followed anyway, strangely trusting of the other boy despite him being the cause of Alec practically having a mental breakdown, though he tried not to think of it that way. It was bound to happen. Alec wasn’t okay, and Magnus reminded him of that, and that was all.

“Honey,” Magnus laughed slightly, and Alec took a second to convince himself that it wasn’t _at_ him, “I’m Asian, feminine, wear makeup, _and_ was a slytherin stood in the hufflepuff common room. If I wasn’t stared at it would be more nerve wrecking than the fact that I was.”

“That’s brave.” Alec commented, not really thinking.

“I’ve been lucky enough to avoid scorn.” Magnus smiled at him, as if he had just figured something out, “Plus the fact that my father is rather frightening. It would be foolish for anyone to mess with me.”

“Who’s your father?”

“A story for another time.” Magnus winked, “Now,” He clapped his hands, “We are going to have a fabulous day, as I have interrogated your sister on things you like, and let me tell you, she was more than happy to oblige. We have two rules, okay?”

“Okay.” Alec bit his lip, trying not to worry.

“Rule number one- you are not by any means obliged to do anything you don’t want to do,” Magnus held up a delicate finger, and Alec noticed his nails were painted yellow, a bright contrast to his dark outfit, “And rule number two- if you feel uncomfortable, tell me. We can even have a safe word.”

“A safe word?” Alec’s chest loosened, and he felt himself smile. Being treated like he was fragile would usually trigger him backing away, but this didn’t feel like that. It felt like a safety net.

“I’ll let you choose.” Magnus tilted his head, still leading them down winding corridors, seemingly aimless.

Alec thought for a second, looking around the corridor for ideas. His eyes landed on a painting of a bowl of fruit, “Bananas.”

“Bananas?” Magnus looked amused, and Alec nodded, “Alright, bananas it is then. Come on.”

He held his hand out, palm up, and Alec looked at it, considering. His eyes flicked up to Magnus’, trying to see if anything was hiding in his expression. When all he saw was fondness, he entwined their fingers, surprised when Magnus tugged him forward and started running. A laugh burst from Alec’s lips. This was so reminiscent to their first try, but this time Alec wasn’t scared. He didn’t want to run away. He didn’t want to hide. All he wanted was to never let go and carry on laughing until his lungs gave out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now the fun can really get started! I think the next chapter will mostly be their date. I have some good things in mind, so it should be nice :)
> 
> So Saphael, huh? ;)   
> Let's see how that goes.......


	4. Jimon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus may have got their shit together, but Jace and Simon? Not so much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back. Again.
> 
> I'm trying to go through all of my incomplete fics and update them! I'm doing well so far... so here you go. a new chapter. I know clary and izzy weren't in this chapter, but they will be in the next one, promise.

Alec couldn’t stop smiling. They had been ice skating, and to get ice cream, now he and Magnus were sat opposite each other with hot chocolates that were piled so high with whipped cream and marshmallows that they almost couldn’t see past them.

“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t said bananas yet,” Magnus dipped his finger in his pile of cream and licked it away again, smacking his lips together, “We’re having a wild day.”

“This isn’t wild,” Alec scoffed, mimicking Magnus. He hummed in contentment at the taste of the cream and looked up to see Magnus looking at him fondly, “It’s- it’s nice.”

“I’m glad.”

Still smiling, Alec dipped his finger in again.

“You know,” Magnus said contemplatively, “You have a spoon for a reason.”

Alec blushed, his finger halfway to his mouth. He had a moment of panic, wondering if he had done something wrong, if Magnus suddenly hated him now that he was gross and ate cream off his finger. Then again, Magnus had done the same so-

“I’m joking, Alec,” Magnus added, tilting his head, “Eat your cream however you want.” As if to prove a point, Magnus dipped his finger in to and dramatically sucked on his finger, “Delicious.”

“Yeah,” Alec licked his own finger, and then they were both laughing, bent over the table. He felt more relaxed than he had in ages. It had taken a lot to stop himself from stressing all day, but he did it. He was no longer worried about laughing too loud, or moving wrong, or how his hair looked. Now, Alec was just laughing, on a date with a guy that genuinely liked him, eating whipped cream with his damn finger just because he could. Maybe now things would go right for him.

He spoke too soon.

When he got back to his dorm, Magnus having left him outside the hufflepuff common room so he could go to the library and finish some work. Turned out he was skipping a day of homework so that he could go on the date with Alec. That meant he would have to stay in the library well into the night to get his work done. Oddly enough, Alec just felt flattered rather than guilty.

What went wrong wasn’t between him and Magnus. It had more to do with Simon sniffling and hiccupping, curled up in an arm chair by the common room fire.

“Simon?” The boy jumped at Alec’s voice.

“Oh, hey,” He wiped his eyes, then readjusted his glasses. Alec sat down on the arm chair next to Simon’s and tried to read what had happened by his face, “How was the date?”

“Did everyone know?” Alec rolled his eyes, accepting Simon not being ready to talk about his tears yet, “It was good. Izzy definitely told him all the right things,” Alec stared at his hands, feeling himself smile, “I had a really nice time.”

“I’m glad,” Simon’s smile slipped from fake to genuine, “You deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you,” Alec said mechanically, “Now, are you going to tell me why you’re down here sobbing into the fire?”

“Raphael and I broke up,” Simon said simply, staring into the fire again. He didn’t seem that upset at the words, so Alec had a feeling there was more to it.

“Yeah?” Alec prompted, “Why’s that?”

“Funny story, actually,” Simon laughed wetly, “Jace put him off me. Told him that I’m insane, annoying, and obsessed with him. He told Raphael that I stalked him,” He met Alec’s eyes, “Jace, that is, until he would talk to me. He said that it was happening to Raphael too, now, and that he’d be better off without me.”

“Jace did that?” Alec couldn’t imagine. No matter how annoying Simon was, Jace loved him. He loved Simon, in whatever weird way he could, and it didn’t make sense that he would do something so cruel, “ _Jace_?”

“Yes,” Simon blinked away tears, “Jace. It’s not surprising, really. I can’t have anything he doesn’t have. He doesn’t want me, but if anyone else does, they can’t have me. It’s like he wants to keep me perpetually alone so I can’t leave his sorry ass in the dust,” He scoffed, “But all he’s done is made me give up on him.”

“What?”

“I’m done, Alec,” Simon took in a shaky breath, then stood up, dusting himself off and taking something out of his pocket, “Jace has lost me, for good this time,” He took the piece of paper from his pocket and dropped it into the fire. Alec watched it curl and burn, hearing Simon’s footsteps disappear up to their room.

Jace had fucked up.

*

“Morning, loser,” Jace swung an arm around Alec’s shoulders, walking with him towards the Great Hall, “How’s Magnus?” His voice was teasing, but at Alec’s glare, he dropped his arm and smile, “You spoke to Simon?”

“You can be a real ass hole, you know that?”

“I was doing it _for_ him,” Jace shrugged, and looking around, Alec decided it was time to smack some sense into the guy before he did some permanent damage. If he hadn’t already done enough, that is. He pulled Jace into a room to his right, “What are you doing?”

Jace yanked his arm out of Alec’s grip and glared at him.

“No, the real question is what are _you_ doing?” Alec tried not to shout. He had become surprisingly protective of Simon over the years, but Jace was his brother, and he was clearly hurting for whatever reason, “Simon was sobbing in the common room last night. _Sobbing._ And it wasn’t because Raphael broke up with him. Do you have any idea how much he values your opinion? He knows about everything you said, and even if he doesn’t believe you mean it, that crap doesn’t just go away either,” He deflated, staring at the ground, “I should know.”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”

“Well, you did,” Alec shook his head, watching as Jace crumbled, “He said he’s done with you. Done, as in, not bothering to try and see past the thousands of layers of _shit_ you’re making him dig through.”

“He just-” Jace crossed his arms, looking anywhere but at Alec- “He kept _kissing him,_ in front of me,” He closed his eyes, “They were laughing and happy, and I wasn’t,” He opened them again, and looked at Alec, “He hasn’t spoken to me properly in weeks. I miss my best friend, and I need him. I need him more-” He let out a breath- “more than anything. I don’t know why I said the things I did, but I did it. I regret hurting him but- but seeing them together, Alec, it killed me.”

“Hit me if I get too sappy, but,” Alec cringed internally, “You need to let go of whatever shit you’re holding onto. You and simon have been dancing around each other since forever and he’s finally done with your crap,” He held Jace’s gaze to show he was serious, “Talk to him, tell him how you feel, or you’re going to lose him. This time, for good.”

“What do I say?”

“I don’t know,” Alec tried to resist the urge to hug the other boy. It wasn’t an urge he got often, but right now was one of those times when Jace needed comfort Alec wasn’t willing to give. He’d fucked up, badly, and it was his job to fix it.

“Do you think he hates me?” Jace ran his hand up his arm, a nervous gesture that didn’t happen often. He looked terrified, staring at the wall behind Alec as if it were Simon, judging him, and hating him, like he fears.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Alec said, unsure, “But he could if you let this anger in him simmer for much longer. Talk to him.”

“Okay,” Jace nodded, “I will,” He looked around, then, and so did Alec, “Is this- is this our bedroom from that summer camp when we were what, twelve?”

It was. The bunk beds, the blue sheets, the glow in the dark car stickers on the wall.

“Room of Requirement,” Both Alec and Jace said at the same time, and started laughing.

“You needed to remind me of our roots, apparently,” Jace grinned, patting the top bunk, his bunk. He looked more relaxed than he was before, his shoulder’s sagging from where they were by his ears. This whole deal with Simon was beginning to get more dramatic than Alec’s struggle with Magnus. It felt odd to be the one in the stable relationship.

_Relationship._

Alec’s stomach curled at the word that popped into his mind. He wasn’t sure whether it was with pleasure, or disgust, but he was willing to find out.

*

Today’s potion class was the one thing Alec was actually looking forward to, which was very much the opposite of how he felt a few weeks ago. Usually he would be trembling at the thought of being in a class with slytherins. Now, though, he couldn’t wait to see Magnus. Maybe he’d be wearing makeup today, or none. Maybe he’d be covered in glitter, or black kohl eye shadow. Alec had looked up a lot over the last few weeks. He wanted to know as much about Magnus as he could. His makeup was a part of him, therefore makeup was something that Alec was going to learn everything about.

The class was quiet as everyone sat down, and Alec took his usual place next to Magnus with a smile.

“You look happy. Something good happen over the weekend?” Magnus asked, casually, filing his nails. Alec watched his hands, fascinated by how smoothly they moved.

“Nothing exciting,” Alec shrugged, “I read a good book.”

“Oh,” Magnus hummed, intrigued, “What book was that?”

“Just a romance, about this amazing guy who took someone on an incredible date,” Alec grinned at Magnus’ fond look, “It was unrealistic, to be honest.”

“Sounds like an amazing guy, but I want to hear more about this person he took on the date. They must’ve been incredible to catch the guy’s attention.”

“They’re alright,” Alec swallowed, willing himself to keep smiling.

“More than alright,” Magnus must’ve been able to tell that Alec was growing uncomfortable, because he left it at that and put his nail file away, smiling the entire time. Professor Fell walked to the front of the glass and clapped his hands.

“Recently, we have looked at the Amortentia potion- now, what can you tell me about-”

Alec zoned out of most of the lesson, copying down what Fell wrote onto the blackboard without thinking about what the words meant. Sometimes the class was asked to discuss, and he and Magnus talked and laughed, and it was easy. It was so easy to talk to Magnus. Saying ‘thank you’ was a start for being complimented, but interacting with people without worrying what they think of him was something Alec feared he’d never master. Magnus, though, he was different.

He had a way of speaking and smiling that made Alec feel like he was the only person in the room, and that he was safe.

“Are you free now?” Magnus asked, pulling his satchel up over his shoulder, “We can get started on this essay, if you’d want.”

“I want,” Alec nodded vigorously, “To do that, with you. Start the essay.”

“Come on, then,” Magnus smiled at Alec’s rambling, and started the lead the way out of the classroom, “I know a wonderful spot on the library.”

“Great.”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Both grinning like idiots, Alec and Magnus headed to the library.

Around twenty minutes into their studying turned discussion bout Greek mythology, the seat by Alec slid out and someone slumped into it, loudly sighing.

“Everything sucks,” Simon said, promptly crossing his arms and putting his head in them, “ _Everything.”_

Magnus raised his eyebrows at Alec as if to say ‘Is this one yours’, and Alec shrugged in reply.

“What happened?” He asked, trying not to sound too annoyed that Simon and Jace’s inevitable drama had interrupted his almost date with Magnus.

“I’ve been avoiding Jace all day,” Simon grumbled into his arms, “But he keeps popping back up like a determined zit.”

“Zit,” Magnus commented, pursing his lips, “Wonderful imagery, Sherman.”

“Simon,” The boy in question corrected.

“I prefer Sherman,” Magnus winked at Alec when he snorted a laugh, then turned back to Simon even though he still hadn’t raised his head, “Now, is this about the Jimon drama?”

“Jimon?” Alec’s nose wrinkled as he said the name, “Really?”

“Well, they need a ship name,” Magnus said like it was obvious, which it wasn’t. What the hell was a ship?

“This ship is not going to sail,” Simon finally looked up, his glasses askew, “Jace is an asshole and I’m too tired to deal with him right now.”

“Maybe he’s trying to apologise,” Alec suggested.

“Or kiss the living daylights out of you,” Magnus added, shimmying slightly.

“He’s dojng neither,” Simon scoffed, “He probably wants to act like nothing happened so we can be in the awkward friend zone again and orbit around each other like freaking planets. Or parallel lines.”

“Parallel lines?” Alec frowned.

“Always by each other’s side, but never touching,” Magnus hummed, “That’s very deep, Sheldon. You should write that down.”

“Thanks,” Simon put his glasses back in place, “He’s just so frustrating, you know?”

“You know what’s more frustrating than a guy that likes you but doesn’t act like it?” Alec raised his eyebrows, “Watching two idiots dance around each other when they are _both as bad as each other,”_ He tried to make his words as impactful as possible, to show he was not fucking around, “Talk to him, before I lock you in a cupboard together.”

“Now that would be an amazing fanfic, right there,” Magnus pointed out, and Alec rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” Simon shuffled in his chair, “Where do you think he’d be?”

“Try the room of requirement,” Alec prompted, “Don’t ask why, just look.”

Simon frowned at him for a moment before nodding and getting up from his seat. Hopefully this meant he was going to do it, and not just run back to his room so he could hide. Without another word, he was gone.

“Well, Alexander,” Magnus gazed at him, wonder in his eyes, “You’re an amazing friend as well as a wonderful date.”

“Thank you,” Alec blushed, picking up his quill again, and trying to focus on his work instead of the glittery beauty in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hope next time it won't take so long to update!
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


	5. Jimon Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Jimon finally get their shit together? Read and find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i think this is the last plot heavy chapter????? um how did that happen?????
> 
> you're welcome for the clickbait chapter summary

It was late again. And, as per usual, Alec was finishing an essay by candlelight. It wasn’t hard, and he was nearly done. It was for potions, though. He and Magnus hadn’t ended up getting much work done, between gossiping about Simon and Jace and generally talking about nothing. Alec found himself smiling at the memory, and shook his head. _Essay time. Concentrate, Alec._

Simon was tossing and turning in the bed next to him. It was starting to get irritating.

“Simon,” Alec whispered, annoyed, and the shuffling stopped for a moment, “Would you stop wriggling around? I’m trying to go through my life without murdering anyone, over here.”

“Sorry,” Simon grumbled, “I just-” He sat up, and Alec sighed. He didn’t mean for that to be an invitation for Simon to talk to him- “I went to the room of requirement and there was no one there. I must’ve just missed him and- and now I’m psyching myself out about seeing him tomorrow.”

“He still thinks you’re mad at him,” Alec scribbled quick, careless words on the page, “You have the upper hand here,” He shrugged, “Just corner him and get him to apologise. I’m pretty sure he’d beg if you asked him.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” Alec looked at the other boy with raised eyebrows, “He’s an idiot, and so are you. Stop panicking.”

“Thanks, Alec,” Simon said sarcastically, “You just cured all of my anxieties. Who knew that was all I needed?”

“Shut up,” Alec said, “And go to sleep. You need all the energy you can get to deal with mopey Jace. He’s a nightmare.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“But you know what?” Alec looked at Simon again, trying to glare as hard as possible, “You’re even harder to deal with when you’re mopey.”

“I should talk to Raphael too,” Simon wondered out loud, completely ignoring Alec’s comment. His hands were twisted in the sheets, and even from here it looked as if the grip would be painful.

“No,” Alec shook his head, “Jace is a shitty liar, Raphael can’t have been good enough for you to leave after a few insincere insults. Plus, did you even like him that much anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Simon sighed, “I liked him, I guess. He was alright to hang out with, and he’d listen to my rambling without hitting me, which is always nice. I just- I just didn’t click with him.”

“Not like you do with Jace,” Alec finished the thought off for him, and Simon nodded.

“It’s a real shame,” Simon’s mouth tilted up, “He was a really good kisser.”

“Go to sleep before I choke you to death, Simon,” Alec wrinkled his nose.

“Love you too.”

*

The Great Hall was packed. There was an announcement, and Alec was kind of nervous to see what it was. Apart from at the beginning and end of the year, not all students would be in the Great Hall at one time. A lot of people skipped lunch, or dinner, or breakfast. Seeing everyone gathered, nervously glancing at each other, was enough to set Alec on edge.

Clary gently touched his elbow and met his eyes.

“Are you okay?” She asked, and Alec nodded shakily.

“Yeah,” He looked for Simon, Jace, Izzy or Magnus, “Let’s find a place to sit.”

They winded through the people entering the hall, and Alec’s heart was beating faster and faster by the second. He caught a glimpse of something in the crowd, and eventually identified it as Simon, stood on a bench, waving them over. He felt himself relax, and held onto the strap of Clary’s satchel as she led the way to their seats.

“What do you think this is?” She asked Isabelle when they got there, who was stood with her hands on her hips, watching as the teachers gathered at the front of the hall.

“I don’t know,” Isabelle chewed on her bottom lip, “It must be serious, to have the entire school here,” Her gaze flicked to Alec, “Are you okay?”

“I wish people would stop asking me that,” Alec sighed, “I’m fine.”

“Oh, hey,” Simon seemed to have spotted someone, but it couldn’t have been Jace because he was already sat on the opposite side of the table, glaring at its scratched surface, “Magnus!”

“He has his own friends, Simon,” Alec rolled his eyes, and tried to tug Simon off the bench, but he just kept waving, and eventually Magnus was emerging from the crowd right by Alec.

“Hello,” He grinned, “Quite the crowd. It feels like my first festival, a few years ago.”

“You’ve been to a festival?” Alec asked, intrigued.

“Yes,” Magnus laughed, “Many. I’ll tell you about it another time. Shall we sit?”

“Don’t you want to sit with your friends?” Alec gestured to the slytherin table, where Catarina and some others would surely be sitting.

“I’d rather sit with you today,” He looked suddenly nervous, “Unless you don’t want me to?”

“No, no,” Alec waved a hand, “Sure you can sit with us. Me.”

“Good,” Magnus’ smile appeared again, and Alec smiled back, before sitting down beside Clary and Simon, facing Isabelle and Jace, who was still glaring at the table, “Do you have any idea what this is about?”

“None,” Alec shrugged, “It must be something pretty serious if they’ve brought everyone in.”

“Maybe exams are cancelled,” Clary crossed her fingers, but Isabelle pushed her hands down on the table and shushed her.

“You have studied far too hard for them, Clarissa Fairchild,” She said, chastising, “Besides, they’d need a reason to cancel exams, and that would be what they’d announce.”

“I can still dream,” Clary blew a string of hair off her forehead, her hands still under Izzy’s, but it didn’t work. Rolling her eyes, Isabelle tucked it behind her ear for her and went to release her hands. Before she could get both away, Clary grabbed one of them. Isabelle smiled at her, and Alec wanted to both gag and take a picture. Instead, he looked to the front where Professor Graymark was walking up the podium. Where was the headmaster?

“Please, everyone sit down,” He said, his voice booming around the room, despite not having a microphone, “I know everyone is panicking, but I need complete silence,” He waited a moment, and the room fell into silence, only a cough or sneeze to be heard, “Thank you,” The Professor cleared his throat, “We have been informed that there has been an increase in Grindylow population, and someone has been enchanting them to be able to walk on land for hours at a time,” The room burst into noise, and Graymark sighed, “Quiet!” The room hushed again, and he gripped the podium like he could leak strength from it, “We have the situation under control, but two students have been taken to the infirmary due to non-fatal injuries. For now, no one leaves the castle, and in case of emergency, stay away from the lake, no matter what. There will be professors stationed at every exit of the dorms and castle,” He straightened himself up, “The headmaster is currently at the Ministry, figuring out permanent solutions. That is all you need to know for now, and classes will carry on as normal. Thank you.”

The room’s noise heightened again, and Alec blinked at the now empty podium.

“Well,” Magnus’ voice came from beside him, “That is certainly something.”

“Who would do something like that?” Simon yelled, “That’s so screwed up.”

“At least we know what’s happening now,” Isabelle shrugged, “No need to panic.”

“No need to panic?” Clary scoffed, “Creatures that are only ‘harmless’ because they can’t leave the lake can now walk on land. That sounds like plenty of reason to panic.”

Isabelle smacked the back of her hand, and her pointed glance at Alec didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’m not going to fall to pieces because I know magical creatures are dangerous,” Alec snapped, “Jesus, Izzy, they’re self-esteem issues not a skewed version of reality, okay?”

“I know,” Isabelle pursed her lips, “I just don’t want to put more on your shoulders.”

“That’s not your choice to make.”

“She’s just trying to help, Alec,” Magnus touched his shoulder, and he resisted the urge to shake it off.

“I know,” He said instead, still tense, “But I’m not going to be able to block my ears every time something bad happens.”

“No one is asking you to,” Magnus smiled gently.

“Not directly,” Alec didn’t bother looking at Isabelle when he rose from the table, “Don’t bother,” He said to both her and Magnus when they rose with him, “I’m just going to library. I’m not going to walk into the lake in a mad fit of impulsiveness. Am I okay to walk down the corridor, or do you think someone is going to bump into me and send me reeling?”

“Alec-” Isabelle started, but he was already walking away. He knew he was being childish, really, but the last thing he needed when he was trying to be better was being _babied._ He wasn’t a kid, and he wasn’t going to fall apart at just anything. As long as no one complimented him to fiercely, he’d be fine. Simple.

Around an hour into his library visit, the chair opposite him pulled out.

“Hey,” Magnus said, closing his hands together in front of him, leaning onto the table, “What are you reading?”

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” Alec showed him the cover, “I’m not going to crumble because some of them are scary, don’t worry.”

“You know, Alexander, being cruel to people who care about you is a sure-fire way of getting them to stop,” Magnus said bluntly, and Alec’s head shot up. Was he saying-? “I’m not saying that I no longer care about you. What I’m saying is that you need to tell us when we’re being too cautious, or smothering you. That doesn’t mean you should shout in our faces and tell us we’re horrible people,” He took Alec’s now ignored book, and pushed it aside so he could lean even further forward, “We have feelings too, and we have issues you may not know about.”

“I know,” Alec nodded, not meeting Magnus’ eyes, “I just- I get irritated easily.”

“I can see that,” Magnus smiled, “I’m not going to say I don’t mind, because it does hurt. It isn’t my place to tell you what to do, but I’m sure you don’t want to make the people around you feel bad.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Isabelle’s tough, though,” Magnus rested his chin in his hand, “I’m sure she knows you don’t mean it.”

“Probably,” Alec sighed, “I’ll apologise. Later, though. I want to just sit here for a while.”

“Okay. Mind if I sit with you?”

“No,” Alec leant back in his chair and closed his eyes. Then, a thought came to him, “Will you tell me about your dad?”

“What?” Magnus sounded panicked, and Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus staring at him like he’d just asked him to kill ten puppies.

“Your dad,” Alec fiddled with his sleeve, “At the weekend, you said that people wouldn’t mess with you because they were scared of your dad. What did you mean?”

“Honestly, I can’t believe you don’t know,” Magnus regained his composure, and smiled slightly, “Haven’t you heard the name Bane before?”

“No,” Alec answered honestly. It felt oddly open, being sat opposite Magnus, both vulnerable. Usually at times like these Alec wanted to be alone, but today he wanted to be with Magnus. He wanted to talk about Magnus, “Should I have?”

“I’m glad you haven’t. I’m glad I get to tell you myself.”

“So am I.”

“Well,” Magnus swallowed, and looked at the table, “When I was younger, my mother killed herself,” He glanced up at Alec’s gasp, “That isn’t the big part of the story. I was so young, I barely remember her,” He pursed his lips, “My father didn’t take it well. Everyone said he was one of the most powerful wizards in his generation. There were high hopes for him. When he became an auror, the wizarding and muggle world were thought to have been ten times safer. After my mother, though,” Magnus shook his head, “He wasn’t the same. He wouldn’t follow the rules, and would treat criminals roughly, with more force than was completely necessary,” He cleared his throat, blood draining from his face, “Criminals weren’t the only ones he was rough with. I don’t want to talk about that part, as that is my business and mine alone,” He touched his heart briefly, then continued,

“Eventually there was a disagreement. His partner said he was taking it too far, and was starting to question him. She tried to reason with him, tell him to resign and take on a less stressful job, and to focus on me,” Magnus rubbed his eyes, and Alec resisted the urge to reach out and grab his hand. It seemed Magnus noticed his attempt, though, because he held his hand out, palm up, a silent invitation. Alec took it, “He lost it completely, injured her, badly, and left his career behind. Now he’s on the run.”

“So people are scared if they mess with you, he’ll come for them?” Alec asked quietly, and Magnus nodded.

“But it isn’t like he cares enough to,” He smiled sadly, playing with Alec’s fingers, “I haven’t seen him in years. I only receive money in small increments for upkeep. I’m one of those kids that stays here over the summer.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, but it didn’t feel like enough. How anyone could abandon Magnus, especially his own father, was a mystery to him. Magnus was just so- so _good._ The thought of him being left alone was something Alec couldn’t bear.

“No need,” Magnus perked up and fluttered his eyelashes, “I hardly think about it anymore. If I did, I would dwell, and go to a dark place. It isn’t a place I want to be, Alexander.”

“I don’t think it’s a place anyone wants to be.”

“Not at all,” Magnus pursed his lips, “It’s nearly time for my Care for Magical Creatures lesson, so I have to go.”

“That’s fine,” Alec smiled, “I’m just going to go back to my room. Simon is probably pouting again.”

“That boy needs to get his priorities straight,” Magnus rolled his eyes, putting his bag over his shoulder again and rising.

“Or not so straight,” Alec scoffed, getting his things together and standing too. The gay joke just slipped out of his mouth, and Magnus raised his eyebrows.

“Very true,” Magnus tilted his head, considering Alec with a look that sent a shiver down his spine, “Shall we walk together? My class is past the hufflepuff dorms.”

“Sure,” Alec smiled, holding his hand out. They walked towards the entrance to the library, but Alec heard something to his right.

“You know I didn’t mean it,” That was- that was Jace. Alec abruptly stopped walking, and Magnus did too. The other boy opened his mouth to ask something, but Alec quickly covered it with his hand.

“You still said it,” Simon sounded exhausted. It was a general feeling you had when you were around Jace for too long, “You can’t take it back. Whether you meant it or not, Jace, it hurt me. Deal with it.”

“I’m not going to deal with it if it means you’re never going to talk to me again,” Jace pleaded, and Alec never thought he’d hear the boy sound so desperate, “You may be irritating, but I actually enjoy your company.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” Simon grumbled, and Alec needed a closer look. He silently took his hand off Magnus’ mouth, who seemed to have tuned in to the conversation too. The shorter boy looked around, then gestured to the row of books behind them. They both scurried down the aisle and looked between the books to the table where Jace and Simon were sat.

Simon had a book propped upright in front of him, and was slouched in his chair. Jace was opposite him, pouting like a puppy.

“Fine,” Jace sighed, “You’re not irritating, and you’re not annoying. You’re not desperate or insane. If anything, I was the one that stalked you so you’d be my friend because I thought you were cute and funny,” Simon’s head shot up at the word ‘cute’, and Alec felt like he was watching a TV show. He glanced at where Magnus was standing next to him, and saw him watching the scene in front of them with wide eyes, “You’re amazing, Simon, and it’s been hell trying to go around school, around life, without you.”

Simon blinked at the page in front of him, readjusted his glasses, and finally let the book fall flat. He stared at Jace, unblinking, and sighed.

“You can’t just _say_ things like that.”

“I was only saying what I should have said ages ago,” Jace bit his lip, “I’m sorry, Si. I really am. I shouldn’t have gotten involved in your relationship like that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Simon rubbed his eyes under his glasses, “I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Say you forgive me?”

“I can’t do that,” Simon groaned and tipped his head back, before looking at Jace again, “You always do this. You do something bad, apologise, then do something bad again the next week. Why is it so hard for you to just be nice to me? What am I doing that’s making you lash out?”

Jace didn’t seem to know what to say. His gaze fell to the table, where he was restlessly tapping his fingers. Alec felt like he was intruding, like he should leave, but he didn’t want to miss all of his hard work coming to fruition.

“You-” Jace shook his head, like it would get the words out easier- “You get to me,” He looked up and met Simon’s wide eyes, “Every time you say something funny or dorky, it makes me even more vulnerable. You could ask me to jump off a cliff and I would just because it was you that told me to. Every time I try to put a wall up you take it down within a day,” He let out a breath, “and it- it scares me. It scares me that you can get to me so easily.”

Simon gaped.

“Simon?” Jace shuffled in his seat nervously, “Please say something.”

“You _idiot.”_

“What?” Jace spluttered defensively.

“You-” Simon waved his hands, standing up- “You _asshole!”_

“We’re in a library, Simon, so if you could be quiet, that’d be-”

“Say you love me,” Simon’s chest heaved, and Jace froze.

“I don’t- who said anything about _love?”_

“Admit you love me,” Simon was oddly calm, and Magnus was slapping Alec’s arm excitedly, “Or tell me that everything you just said was just a ploy to get me to forgive you. Because there is nothing in between.”

“I- I don’t-”

“Jace,” Simon said pleadingly, “Please.”

Jace wrung his hands together, blinking rapidly as if to hold back tears. Nodding like it was exactly what he expected, Simon grabbed his bag and started to walk away. Alec nearly shouted to stop him, but Jace beat him to it.

“Wait!” Jace stood, shaking, and Alec’s heart was in his throat, “I do.”

“You do what?” Simon’s eyes filled with hope, but it was like he wouldn’t let himself have it yet.

“I do love you,” Jace stared at the table, and took in a deep breath before meeting Simon’s eyes, “I’ve loved you since you gave me those stupid Santa shaped cookies for Christmas.”

“That was three years ago,” Simon said in awe.

“Yeah,” Jace tapped his fingers against the table again, “Sorry about that.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Simon declared before marching over and grabbing Jace’s face with both hands,"Before I do this, I want you to know that my amortentia smelled of chocolate, hair conditioner, and  _you._ "

"Simon-" Jace started to say, but Simon was already leaning in and-

“We should go,” Alec whispered to Magnus before dragging him away and out of the library. They had seen enough.

“Well,” Magnus grinned, “Jimon has finally sorted their crap out.”

“You haven’t been dealing with them for years,” Alec complained, but he was grinning too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probs gonna be a group hang and date next chapter and that'll be the last of it... it's been a fun ride y'all (she says, english)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh... my god???? its over???? there is nothing more to say????
> 
> this is more a lil tidbit of extra and a satisfying conclusion for y'all
> 
> EDIT: I've added a lil bit where magnus finds out about Alec's bullying.... and earlier, Im not sure if i mentioned what Simon's amortentia smell was so I'll add that in too.... enjoy!

“That is not how this game works,” Alec giggled, and covered his hand with his mouth.

“Well, then the rules of this game are stupid,” Magnus commented, “I should be able to pay to jump across the board to where I want to be.”

“It’s Monopoly, not a magical game about teleportation,” Alec rolled his eyes, “Just roll again.”

“Fine,” Magnus pouted, and Alec couldn’t help it, he leant over and pressed a kiss to Magnus’ mouth. He pulled away immediately, like he had been burned. They had never kissed before. It was because of Alec, sure, but he didn’t feel pressured to do anything. Magnus made sure of it.

“Sorry,” Alec mumbled, sitting back down. Magnus ran his thumb over his bottom lip with a small smile.

“Why are you apologising?”

“I just-” Alec waved a hand- “slapped one on you without asking permission and-”

“Alexander,” Magnus stopped him from waving, and held his hand instead, “You never need to ask permission to kiss me. I formally give you permanent permission, unless I express the opposite.”

“Really?” Alec felt himself blush, and his heart fluttered.

“Really,” Magnus grinned, “Now come here, you beautiful nervous thing, you.”

Not for the first time, Alec laughed at the compliment rather than shying away from it. It had been a few weeks now since they started dating. Alec had found himself growing more and more comfortable around the other boy. More often than not, he’d stare at Magnus’ mouth and wonder what it would be like to kiss him. Now he knew. It was soft, and nice, if shocking.

He wanted to do it again.

So, he did.

“We should probably move this,” Magnus gestured to the board Alec was leaning over, and without a moment’s hesitation, Alec pushed it off the bed and onto the floor, “That was way hotter than I thought it would be.”

“Thank you,” Alec whispered against Magnus’s lips before kissing him again. In moments like these, Alec was thankful that his dorms were mostly abandoned. Everyone had their own lives and didn’t want to bring them back to a shared room. Jace and Simon spent most of their time down by the lake now, doing whatever under the tree. Alec didn’t want to know. And he certainly didn’t want to think about it when Magnus was running his fingers over his stomach so lightly he could hardly feel it.

But how could he _not_ feel it? This was Magnus, touching him, kissing him, murmuring compliments against his lips as they kissed. The words ‘beautiful’ and ‘wonderful’ and ‘amazing’ were amongst them, but Alec didn’t want to flinch away. There were bigger things to think about than whether he deserved the compliments.

“Will anyone be back for a while?” Magnus breathed a few minutes later, and Alec pulled away, staring down at Magnus’ dilated pupils and messed up hair from Alec’s fingers. He smirked at the sight, then remembered Magnus asked him something.

“No one usually gets back until around six.”

“What time is it now?”

“I don’t know,” Alec said, and punctuated it with a kiss pressed to the corner of Magnus’ mouth, “And I don’t care.”

“Daring,” Magnus chuckled, “You’re so gorgeous when you’re turned on.”

“I’m not-” Alec went to defend himself, flustered, but Magnus glanced down pointedly and- well, there was no denying that- “Sorry.”

“We don’t have to do anything,” Magnus said, pulling Alec down again for another kiss, “I’m perfectly happy just doing this.”

“Good,” Alec grinned, “I just- I don’t know if I’m-”

“I understand,” Magnus nodded, “Now get down here, you fool.”

Alec did as he was told.

They stayed like that for ages, exchanging soft kisses and whispered compliments, and Alec would not have wanted to have it any other way.

*

Alec and Simon were sat in the latter’s bed, exchanging the best sweets from their Hogsmeade visit. There were lollipops, gobstoppers, and more cookies than the two of them could eat.

“I think we may have over done it,” Simon sighed, spreading his pile out in front of him as if he were fanning out money. Alec scoffed, looking at his own pile with a smile.

“There’s no such thing as over doing it,” He unwrapped one of the hard-boiled sweets and plopped it into his mouth, “I could eat all of these in one evening. Just watch me.”

“Sure, you could,” Simon rolled his eyes, “I might give some of mine to Jace. He’s coming over later.”

“Oh, is he now?” Alec waggled his eyebrows.

“Shut up,” Simon threw one of his sweets at Alec’s face with a laugh, “We’re just hanging out. We won’t smooch or anything.”

“Smooch,” Alec repeated, teasing, “Nice word there, Simon. Oh, my God, are you blushing?”

“No,” Simon grumbled, “Like you wouldn’t get flustered if I started talking about Magnus. Oh. Magnus, I love your hair. Oh, Magnus, put your sparkles all over me.”

“Is that your impression of me?”

“Yes.”

“It’s great,” Alec nodded seriously, “Really. If I closed my eyes, I’d think it was me speaking.”

“Har-dey-har-har,” Simon grinned, “You’re hilarious. I can’t believe you haven’t taken up a career in comedy.”

“It’s my back up plan,” Alec raised an eyebrow, just as someone knocked on the door, “Jace?”

“Nah, he said he wasn’t coming ‘til five,” Simon answered, then waved a hand at the door, “You can answer it.”

Alec groaned, but got up and made his way to the door. He didn’t exactly look his best. His tracky bottoms were too big, and his t shirt was way too small. It didn’t really matter, because it was a Sunday. But when Alec opened the door, it suddenly mattered.

“Magnus!” He shouted in surprise, “Hi.”

“Hello. I was on my way back from the kitchen and I thought I’d pop in,” Magnus smiled easily, unperturbed by Alec’s outfit. He stepped into the room without asking and looked around, “Hi, Simon.”

“Hey,” Simon waved feebly, “Do you want in on our sweet exchange?”

“I have none to give, but I’ll gladly eat some of Alec’s,” He smiled over his shoulder, and Alec smiled back. He closed the door behind himself, then lead Magnus bac to the bed.

“Hop on,” He patted the space next to him, and shuffled so Magnus could sit.

“Wow,” Simon said in awe, “Alec sat next to a slytherin, in harmony. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“It’s not that amazing,” Alec rolled his eyes, at the same time as Magnus asked,

“What is so wrong with slytherins?”

“There’s nothing wrong with them all,” Simon quickly defended, looking flustered, “It’s just- Alec’s had a- it’s not really my place to tell you.”

“Simon,” Alec said calmly, “It’s okay.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Magnus touched Alec’s forearm gently, and Alec looked down at it. He was always so gentle with him. No matter the situation, even if they were arguing, Magnus was gentle. Alec could trust him. He could tell him.

“I want to,” Alec swallowed, “I just- I was bullied pretty badly by a few slytherins in my third year. I came out, and it was- it was bad,” He looked away, picking at a loose thread in his trousers, “It’s what started my whole ‘can’t take compliments’ thing. I’m better now,” He frowned, “Or, I’m getting better, anyway.”

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus’ hand was still on his arm, and he moved his thumb in soothing circles, “Were they expelled?”

“Most of them,” Alec exhaled, “The worst of them.”

“We don’t see them around,” Simon clarified, “Even the ones that weren’t expelled have mostly graduated now.”

“Good,” Magnus nodded, “I’m sorry they hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” Alec smiled, “I’m glad I could tell you. Apart from my friends, not many people know about it.”

“If it ever starts to overwhelm you again, you can tell me, and I’ll help in any way I can,” Magnus’ eyes were warm and kind, “And if I see any of those bastards, I’ll smite them.”

Sat there, with one of his best friends and his boyfriend, Alec knew he could believe that. They couldn’t hurt him anymore. All he had to do was think about this moment. This safe moment. Everything would be okay.

“So,” Alec said, changing the subject before he started crying, “Lollipop or cookie?”

“Definitely cookie.”

*

**ONE YEAR LATER**

It had been a while since Alec had seen all his friends. Even though he couldn’t get a word in edgeways, it was great to see them all. Meeting on the train at the beginning of the year was an event Alec had been looking forward to for months.

“I don’t get it,” Simon ran a hand through his hair, “There are like a million magical creatures out there, and you want a Leprechaun. Even muggles know about those.”

“But they’re small, and cute,” Clary argued, “Plus it’d be nice to have more than one ginger around here. I’m grossly outnumbered.”

“No one is against you here,” Jace scoffed, “Unless you piss us off. Leprechauns suck.”

“Of course, you’d take Simon’s side,” Izzy said.

“Of course, you’d take Clary’s!” Jace waved a hand, “We’re all becoming predictable.”

“No, you are,” Clary smirked, “I still have the element of surprise. Always.”

“No, you don’t,” Alec snorted, drawing a star in the condensation on the window, “I could probably predict everything you’re going to do in the next five minutes.”

“Oh yeah?” Clary punched Alec in the shoulder, “Did you predict that?”

“Yes,” Alec smiled down at her, “Hence why I didn’t flinch,” He flicked her in the forehead and she reeled back, falling into Izzy who huffed and pushed her back up, “See? I’m the one that’s unpredictable.”

His Magnus ball (The other boy named it, not him) glowed in his lap and Alec smiled. The purple meant he was close, but not within a foot. Which wasn’t surprising considering he wasn’t in the same compartment as them. He was sat with his friends, but said that he would come see Alec once the train started moving.

“Now that’s predictable,” Jace put an arm around Simon’s shoulders with a knowing smile, “Go see your sparkly man.”

“Please never call him that,” Alec wrinkled his nose, but secretly put it in the ‘stupid nicknames for Magnus’ part of his brain. It was a larger part than he would care to admit.

“It suits him,” Izzy hummed, “I like it.”

“He probably would too,” Clary pulled the other girl closer and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Alec pretended to look annoyed, but he really felt fond. He got up and went to the door. Before opening it, he turned back to his friends.

“You know I love you guys, right?”

“Aw, we love you too Alec,” Izzy grinned.

“That’s gay,” Jace scoffed.

“Don’t get all sappy, I’ll cry,” Clary raised an eyebrow at him.

“ _Love_ is a strong word.”

Their replies were all varied, but they meant the same thing. Alec knew he was loved. He had a place in this friendship group, and he knew that now. There were bad days, where he wondered if he deserved any of this. Then there were days like today where he knew he did.

He slid the compartment door open just as the ball started glowing red, meaning Magnus was right next to him.

“Hey,” Alec smiled what he knew was a soppy as hell smile at his boyfriend, “How’re you?”

“Better now you’re here.”

“That’s stereotypical,” Alec laughed, and kissed the shorter boy’s forehead.

“Well, sometimes true love exists outside of the movies.”

As Alec looked down at Magnus, on the train heading to his second home, he thought maybe it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLETED MULTICHAPTER MALEC FIC I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE DONE IT
> 
> THANK YOU FOR COMING ON THIS JOURNEY WITH ME
> 
> LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND VISIT ME ON TUMBLR TO TELL ME IF YOU HATED IT OR LOVED IT (girlsf0rgirls)

**Author's Note:**

> visit me on tumblr- girlsf0rgirls


End file.
